Le Poop

So, this happened:

Don’t ask me why. We both know there’s something seriously wrong with me.

I FOUND IT!

Yesss!! At long last, both my drawing tablet and pen have been found! It’s a miracle!

But now I don’t know what to do with them.

What’s this? A miracle, you say?

Why yes. Yes it is.

I’m not going to even mention the nine-month time lapse between this post and my last. Even though I just kinda did. But you know what I mean. I SWEAR I’M NOT DOING THIS ON PURPOSE, OKAY?! Twitter is sucking the life out of me and my phone is so smart that my laptop has become obsolete. Hence, the long period of silence.

But anyway, speaking of twitter, let me get straight into my next point: I’m actually tricking you into thinking that this is a real post when in fact, it’s one of my lazy, half-assed attempts to be proactive. Basically, I’m cheating. Because this is yet another predicted tweet post!

“You guys are sick. Please don’t have this eye sickness in the nineties.”

“I wonder if you know I’m actually a vampire. I don’t wanna ruin it for gym tomorrow.”

“I can dream. I can try. But I declare purple as your profession.”

“I get that my hatred runs deep. I wonder why this is true.”

“I wonder why I have no energy left. Am I a day apart?”

“Hahahaha omg I wonder if my face will be in a stabbing spree.”

“I wonder why everyone is fantastic!”

“I wonder what I am. Perpetually.”

“Oh god, the graveyard thing wasn’t you?!”

“Lies. Watch something better. WHY IS THIS BETTER?!”

“I wonder why this sandyness magically disappeared from my shin?”

“I wonder why Penelope treats Amadeus like a delicious free kick.”

“I wonder if my locker smells like pineapples and seaweed today.”

“I’m not cranky! Lies.”

Yup, so that’s it. The drawing thing might happen again soon. So stay tuned!

I really have no excuse

It saddens me to say this, but I have absolutely no excuse for not having blogged in three-and-a-half years (give or take 38 months). I was just over it. But now I’m back, hopefully! I think I just have to designate a fixed day and time for my beloved handful of fans.

To answer your question, no I will not update you on anything, because that in itself is like an entire encyclopedia. But instead, I’ll leave you with a loving message because I watched Where The Wild Things Are yesterday.

Yes, I’m a failure.

So remember how I made it my New Year’s resolution to post once a week? And you know how I have a badge on the right that says “I’m part of Post A Week 2011?” And you know how it’s been like three whole weeks or even more since I last posted?! Yeah, it’s because I’m a good-for-nothing liar and a cheat. Also, I’ve been busy.

I decided to go back to this site for shits and giggles, and I’ll post some of my predicted tweets below. There will be no drawings today, so if you’re expecting some, don’t.

“I need to find em. Lasers, no. I’m gunna do one of those two birds. DON’T LIE, THEY’RE IDENTICAL!”

“:/ I don’t like Jagger.”

“Hahahaha, salinity! Oh wait, no. But perhaps a likeable monster.”

“Oh, and boring: I need to mention boring.”

“I’ll be hotter than Satan’s ballsack EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.”

“Wait, there’s a prize?! I could survive on the flu.”

“I wonder what’s up with rainbows and waterworks, yes. D:”

“Duty Free cigarettes. Haha, precisely. It puts the double negative.”

“I don’t see the lines of snow. You’re asking for the tortoises.”

“I wonder why British sitcoms are so damn sexy.”

“I wonder why I don’t like assholes. Meh.”

“I’m going to insert all the phone numbers in my head and see Aliens do football. Intense.”

 

WHERE IS IT?!

So I just noticed that my header was an ugly blue box and no longer my beautiful face. I was sad and had to upload a new picture, which I don’t like because it has nothing to do with my wonderful brain, rather, it emphasises my “wonderful” hair. Did you catch the sarcasm? Yeah, that’s why I put the second wonderful in quotation marks.

Anywho, so I uploaded the ugly new picture as a temporary filler until I find my old one, but it’s nowhere to be found! So I’m thinking that maybe the Internets took it.*

So the reason I’m telling you all of this obvious stuffs (since I’m willing to bet at least sixty percent of you have eyeballs and can see the header change) is so that you can design me a new one! Something funky and cool but still in my old style. I’m looking at you, neilslorance. But other people can email me stuff too. Because it’s summer and you have nothing better to do.

Yes thank you okay bye bye.

*Them darn Internets, always touchin’ stuff that dudn’t belong to ’em. Where’s ma shotgun at?

*cue heavenly music*

 

 

For those of you wondering what divine and heavenly object is being portrayed above, it is the all-powerful and mighty pen for my drawing tablet! I’ve been looking for it for what, like three weeks now? And I finally found it today! Technically Ma did, but I don’t want to give her any credit, so let’s just say that I found it.

So now I can get back to blogging business! I’m fairly certain I’ve lost like 80% of my two subscribers (I failed math), but that’s okay. Because I’m just going to keep being awesome.

Uh.

Yeah.

Okay maybe I just need to ease back in slowly. Here’s one of my famous knock-knock jokes that I’ve been wanting to draw for a while:

Ohhh, it’s good to be back.