Archive for June, 2009

Brain Freeze?

June 24, 2009



House of Illusions

June 23, 2009

The other day, I went to Festival City with Tru. While we were smoking a cigarette, we noticed this set-up by the water called “House of Illusions” and we planned to check it out, but then got lazy and never did. It looked like one of those freaky places with weird torture chambers and wavy mirrors and shit. Like, a haunted house type thing that you usually find at amusement parks, know what I mean? Yeah. 

I told you that story to tell you this story, or dream, rather. Because I think they’re directly related.

I was at a huge house party. My mom was out of town, and my grandma gave me a curfew of “before sunrise,” which was the equivalent of around six thirty in the morning. 

At one point I was in a bedroom with a bunch of my friends, chilling and listening to music. Then Tru came up to me and was like “Yo, I’m’a go to an after-party somewhere else, wanna come? Or want me to drop you off at home?” This is at like two o’clock. So I was like, “Nah, it’s alright, I’ll find my way home later… Have fun though!” And that was that. Tru left, and I stayed with my friends.

About an hour later, this guy I didn’t know, Brian, was like “Hey guys, I’m leaving now, if anyone needs a ride home?” So this one girl and I decided to take up his offer and followed him to the parking lot. 

We got into his Jeep and started driving, to drop me off first. But when my exit came up, Brian just kept going straight. “Uh, dude. You missed my exit.” Brian was oblivious to the fact that I was talking. He just kept driving, almost as if on autopilot. No actually, more like he was hypnotised. The other girl and I exchanged worried glances and then shifted our attention back to the road. 

Eventually we ended up at a huge mansion in the middle of nowhere. “Mansion,” is an understatement. The place was the size of Dubai Mall. But the layout was weird. The “mansion” (as I’m going to continue calling it from now on) was a simple rectangular brick of concrete, three floors high, about a kilometre long, and maybe three hundred metres across. There were no windows. The front of the mansion was one of the short sides of the cube. There were only two doors. Each door opened up into a hallway that went straight to the other end of the mansion, with doors on either side of the hallway that led to rooms of varying size. To get from one hallway to the other, you had to basically go through one of the rooms in between the two hallways. To get to another floor, you had to go all the way to the back of the mansion, where a stairwell was located at the end of both hallways that led up to an identical set-up. For those of you with brains lacking in the imagination department, I’m sorry, but I can’t be bothered drawing this out for you, because it’s really quite simple.

Anyway, so I ask the hypnotised, robot-Brian what the fuck we’re doing here, and he solemnly replies “Follow me.” So we did. We entered through the door on the left, and found ourselves in the longass hallway I just described. It was a surprisingly cheery-looking place! I wandered off to explore.

I opened one of the rooms and it was completely dark. So I stepped inside and flicked on the light switch, and found myself in space! Only I wasn’t floating or anything, because it wasn’t really space, it was just made to look like it. The floor, walls, and ceiling were made of plasma-screen that projected one of those old-school space screensavers. I felt nauseated, so I left.

The next door I opened looked like some sort of medieval torture chamber slash bondage room. It was kinda freaking me out so I didn’t stay long and just left.

I kept moving from room to room, opening the doors and checking inside, until I made my way to the end of the hallway. Suddenly this chick grabs me and is like, “What are you doing? You’re supposed to be working! Don’t let them catch you!” I was all like, “Woah freakish woman, calm down. I have no idea what you’re talking about.” She shoved me in one of the end rooms, and I found myself in a Barbie-making sweat shop. Apparently that was my job. I worked on an assembly line as the girl who attaches the Barbie’s head to her body. Good times.

Then I don’t remember what happened for a while, but the next thing I know, I’m speeding down a track in an orange Nissan sports car. But not a race track. Not a running track. Not even a train track. A roller coaster track. It was strange. So I did the loopty-loop and when I finished, the end station had a traffic light that connected to a major highway. Apparently driving on roller coaster tracks was a normal thing to do, like taking an exit off a highway. 

Once I connected to the main road, my car broke down. I flagged down a driver, and guess what? It was fucken Brian. He looked very pissed off. But still hypnotised. I got in the car, and we went back to the creepy mansion thing. This time though, we went through the door on the right.

Brian led me down the hallway and eventually we came to a stop at one of the doors. He knocked twice, and then we entered. This room was massive! It was the size of… I dunno, a football field! Huge! And it was full of people who looked as if they were participating in a ritual or an acceptance ceremony or something. The men were dressed in white cloths tied at the waist, and the women were dressed in white robe-like things. They were all standing in line in front of a curtain, behind which seemed to be the grand master or something. 

Looking along the line of people, I was surprised to recognise several of them. Omar was there, Tru was there with Aaron, Elise was there, Ten was there, this one girl who went to fourth grade with me was there… But everyone was in the same hypnotised state as Brian. It’s like I was the only normal one. But to be safe, I pretended to be like them, because that seemed like the appropriate thing to do. 

So I stood in line with a blank expression, like everyone else, and didn’t speak to anyone or look around or anything. As I got closer and closer to the beginning of the line, however, I noticed that some people when they entered the area behind the curtain came back normal-looking. But most people came back still hypnotised. I was becoming very curious as to what lay behind this ominous curtain.

I found out soon enough. Finally it was my turn, and I stepped behind the curtain cautiously. Harry Potter was sitting on a throne in front of me. In his hand was a bag of Skittles. I was too stunned to keep up my act of hypnosis, so I asked him, “Uhm, what am I doing here?” “That is precisely the question, my child,” he replied in a voice that luckily sounded more like Morgan Freeman rather than an annoying British boy. He asked me to close my eyes, take a Skittle out of his hand, and place it in my mouth. I did as I was told, not only because I’m obedient, but also because I really wanted some Skittles. Then, without taking the Skittle out of my mouth, I was supposed to tell him which colour it was. I chewed contemplatively for a few seconds and then declared, “Red. Definitely Red.” 

“That is correct! You are free to leave.” he said. I was very confused. What the fuck was that all about? Once I left the room, I saw the others still lingering in the hallway, discussing what had happened.

Omar and Elise were both unhypnotised, which was awesome. Omar said he had an orange Skittle and wasn’t sure whether it was orange or yellow, but in the end decided on orange, because it’s both a better colour and flavour. “Plus, orange Skittles statistically are found more frequently per bag of Skittles than the yellow ones,” pointed out some dorky guy. Elise punched him in the face and said she just totally guessed purple, and it happened to be right. The dorky guy (who was now on the floor) lifted his finger to protest, “But that means you only had a 20% chance of being corre–” Elise shut him up by kicking him. We tried to look around for more unhypnotised people we knew, but Tru, Aaron, the girl from fourth grade, and a few other random people were still robot zombies.

Soon thereafter, I woke up. And now I really really really want Skittles.

Pre-speech jitters

June 10, 2009
I was standing at the podium,
looking out at everyone.
Seeing some familiar faces;
different colours,
different races,
origins from different places,
and suddenly my mind erases
everything I planned to preach.
There goes my entire speech.
The crowd looks up with expectation;
I stare back with hesitation.
Start to sweat,
I start to choke,
Is this God’s form of some sick joke?
I try to look back in my mind,
I’m on pause, let’s rewind
and try to find
another kind
of some sick rhyme
to pass the time,
before the sea grows mean and restless
and pulls me in without a life-vest.
Suddenly, I see a light
amongst the shadows of my plight.
Although it’s slight,
I think I’m right,
So I struggle and I fight
to pull the message out the bottle
and spit it out in full throttle.
The expressions of the crowd
were still eager,
still loud.
And I was proud
that I had found
The words I hadn’t written down.
I make a mental note of them, 
And then I start…


June 8, 2009

Nail biting. It’s a nasty oral compulsion that affects at least three people you know on a daily basis.* Luckily, I never fell victim to such disorder. Until recently, that is. I mean, it’s not like I bite my nails down to the cuticle, because that’s just gross and probably painful. But for some reason, I’ve started biting my nails. And I don’t know why! It’s not like I don’t have nail clippers or anything, because I do. So I don’t understand why this habit decided to arise after twenty-one years of maintaining healthy, well-groomed (although sometimes dirty) phalanges. 


*I totally made up this statistic.


June 6, 2009

Wow, for a while there I kinda forgot that I had a blog! Heh heh… oops. So without  further ado, I shall now fill in my millions of three fans on what’s been happening in my oh-so-exciting life.


Ten's promTen's graduation






  • I recently watched Terminator 12 Billion (good), Crank 2 (fucken excellent!), Monsters vs. Aliens (it had its funny moments), and X-Men Origins (fantastic!). 
  • I switched from Marlboro Lights to Marlboro Menthol Lights because it’s getting hotter and the mintyness of menthols makes me feel refreshed and happy.
  • I’ve developed some sort of sleeping disorder. Some claim it’s laziness, others believe it’s lupus, but basically I just… sleep! A lot! And I’m always tired, even after thirteen hours of straight sleeping? Is this normal? I think not. I blame it on the summer.
  • Speaking of summer, I’m a full-time lifeguard! Starting mid-July. 
  • Uhm, what else… See, my life is really quite boring. I’m getting another tattoo, I still have plans to kill Feb, I have a weird cramp in my neck, Tommy’s breath is getting worse by the second, there’s nothing good on TV, I’m supposed to be knitting (of all things), I feel like going skiing, my dreams have become even more twisted than usual, and Ma didn’t make me coffee this morning so I’m grumpy and ranting and because of my new sleeping disorder I’m too lethargic to go make some myself.

Yup, so that’s pretty much it! I promise I’ll be more blog-productive from now on. I miss being able to talk about myself as much as I want without anyone interru–ONE SEC, MA! I’M BLOGGING!

So yeah, get ready for some June madness. 


Edit: I forgot to give much-deserved credit to Aaron, for being the initiator of the Menthol trend that is sweeping the nation. Or at least my circle of friends. Kudos!

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