Archive for June, 2011

New Blog? :D

June 29, 2011

Okay so I made the mistake of looking through some of the themes for WordPress and oh. my. GOD. I found one that’s so so awesome and perfect and I want it! However, when I previewed it, it looks like poop on this blog. Particularly because this clean, white theme has grown on me and I wanna keep it this way.

BUT, I still wanna use that other theme. Which means? Anyone? Yes, that is correct, gentleman in the blue shirt, I will have to start another blog!

Now the real question here is, what will this other blog consist of? Because as many of you know, I tried having a photoblog, but that got old and I just sorta neglected it. So now I need help deciding what my new blog should be about. Suggestions?!

 

P.S. I still haven’t found the pen to my drawing tablet. Where is itttt?!

 

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Tattoos!

June 27, 2011

I’m a horrible blogger, I know. But you know what? It’s all your fault. I don’t know how, but it is. So yeah. I actually have nothing exciting to say today, but I figured I might as well post something before my conscious completely eats away at my soul. Also, I can’t find the pen for my drawing tablet again. So bear with me.

By now you’re probably wondering what the title of this post has to do with the boring content. Well, you’re about to find out. Like, right now: I just got my official tattoo artist license! So I’m going to post some of my designs that got the highest positive feedback, along with the price and how long it’d take, etc. Enjoy!

"Know thyself" / Price: $200 / Time: 1.5 hours / Suggestions: Stretch across your upper back to really stand out in a crowd. Make sure there's either a typo or you don't understand its meaning, for extra douche-points!

 

"Dia de los Muertos" / Price: $800 / Time: 4 - 5 hours / Suggestion: Put this bad boy on your neck, so people think you're part of the Spanish Mafia and get intimidated by you. You'll get any job you apply for!

 

"Ee-ee-ee-eee-eee!" / Price: $450 / Time: 1 hour / Suggestions: Wear this aquatic douchebag on your ankle to let everyone know you're an idiot with only half a brain. Guaranteed to make people judge you!

 

Other ideas:

If you’re Irish, how about a nice shamrock?

If your great great uncle twice-removed just passed away, why not honour him by tattooing his face from the 1970’s across your pectoral muscle?

If you like random swirls, consider a completely meaningless tribal design on your lower back!

If you’re a stereotypical biker, why not get a “I <3 Mom” tattoo on your bicep?

 

I have so many other fantastic designs in my head! I can also do custom work! Just set up an appointment and we can go over your thoughts on paper. Also, if I don’t like you, be prepared for me to overcharge you and use dirty needles! Actually, I’ll do that for everyone, so don’t think you’re special. Hooray!

Note: If you’re the police or some sort of government health official, please understand that this entire post is meant strictly for entertainment purposes. I do not have a tattoo license. I do not have a tattoo parlour. I do not intend to stick people with dirty needles (wink!). I do, however, own the above posted images, so if you’re a real tattooist, fuck off. You’ll never be as good as me.

Eclipse Chatter

June 16, 2011

So yesterday, we had a total lunar eclipse. I was actually kinda excited at first, but then I started texting Qemzi, who was all “This sucks.” Here are some snippets of that convo:

Qemzi: “Lunar eclipses are lame. You don’t really miss the moon.”

Me: “This is true. But it still looks demonic at the halfway mark.”

Me: “Demon phase is commencing!”

Qemzi: “It’s turning a freaky shade of red.”

Me: “The moon just looks dirty. :( Why does it have to be the colour of bloody stool?”

Qemzi: “LOL. I’m half expecting the sun to come up and say ‘BOO!'”

Me: “Hahaha!”

Qemzi: “God this is boring.”

Me: “If I had beer and a telescope, this would be way cooler.”

Me: “I just want the clean, bright part to pop out on the other side.”

Qemzi: “Dude. Bad pun.”

Me: “Oh, no pun intended. I’m not a dirty perv like you.”

Qemzi: “Lies.”

Qemzi: “Dude it looks like it’s bleeding.”

Me: “Total eclipse of the heart? :D Pun intended this time.”

Qemzi: “Oh fuck you.”

Me: “Kay I’m over it. I’m going back inside now.”

Qemzi: “Yeah fuck this. I’m playing angry birds.”

-fin-

Note: I know I’ve been AWOL for a while, but that’s just because I’m a bad person. I’ll make it up to you. Maybe.

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