Posts Tagged ‘dolphin’

Tattoos!

June 27, 2011

I’m a horrible blogger, I know. But you know what? It’s all your fault. I don’t know how, but it is. So yeah. I actually have nothing exciting to say today, but I figured I might as well post something before my conscious completely eats away at my soul. Also, I can’t find the pen for my drawing tablet again. So bear with me.

By now you’re probably wondering what the title of this post has to do with the boring content. Well, you’re about to find out. Like, right now: I just got my official tattoo artist license! So I’m going to post some of my designs that got the highest positive feedback, along with the price and how long it’d take, etc. Enjoy!

"Know thyself" / Price: $200 / Time: 1.5 hours / Suggestions: Stretch across your upper back to really stand out in a crowd. Make sure there's either a typo or you don't understand its meaning, for extra douche-points!

 

"Dia de los Muertos" / Price: $800 / Time: 4 - 5 hours / Suggestion: Put this bad boy on your neck, so people think you're part of the Spanish Mafia and get intimidated by you. You'll get any job you apply for!

 

"Ee-ee-ee-eee-eee!" / Price: $450 / Time: 1 hour / Suggestions: Wear this aquatic douchebag on your ankle to let everyone know you're an idiot with only half a brain. Guaranteed to make people judge you!

 

Other ideas:

If you’re Irish, how about a nice shamrock?

If your great great uncle twice-removed just passed away, why not honour him by tattooing his face from the 1970’s across your pectoral muscle?

If you like random swirls, consider a completely meaningless tribal design on your lower back!

If you’re a stereotypical biker, why not get a “I <3 Mom” tattoo on your bicep?

 

I have so many other fantastic designs in my head! I can also do custom work! Just set up an appointment and we can go over your thoughts on paper. Also, if I don’t like you, be prepared for me to overcharge you and use dirty needles! Actually, I’ll do that for everyone, so don’t think you’re special. Hooray!

Note: If you’re the police or some sort of government health official, please understand that this entire post is meant strictly for entertainment purposes. I do not have a tattoo license. I do not have a tattoo parlour. I do not intend to stick people with dirty needles (wink!). I do, however, own the above posted images, so if you’re a real tattooist, fuck off. You’ll never be as good as me.
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Different kinds of laughs

January 21, 2011

Inspired by a recent blog topic from Daily Post, I’ve decided to compile a list of the most common types of laughs. Which one are you?

The dolphin. This laugh should be trademarked by my sister. Characteristics of the dolphin laugh include high-pitched, high-frequency squealing, typically induced by tickling. Its sound is similar to a monkey-horse.

The pedophile/killer. Usually reserved for creepy guys, this laugh is more like a strange grunting noise. Also, there is little to no facial expression of happiness.

The sniffer. For this laugh to be uttered, the laugher’s mouth needn’t be open. Laugh-like sounds emerge from the nose, generating an illusion of sniffing. Very Sheldon Cooper-esque.

The frighteningly loud outburst. When something only slightly funny is said or happens, this type of laugh is so shockingly loud and unexpected that you are actually scared for the first few seconds.

The evil scientist. Need I say more?

The sarcastic ha. 97% of the time, this laugh is spoken with a serious and/or angry face. Typically it is a string of two to three ha’s put together to indicate sarcasm, or by socially awkward people who have not learned humour or emotion.

The creepy baby/clown. Babies and demonic clowns share the same laugh pattern of tee-hee’s, with stern, glaring eyes. Adam does this one to scare me sometimes, and I cry.

The silent open-mouth. Sometimes, people forget to breathe, which yields a facial expression that looks like a muted laugh. Shaking shoulders are often associated with this style.

 

Random search-stats

December 2, 2010

Lately, my search engine stats have been a little bit weird (click to enlarge):First of all,  I don’t think I’ve ever used Arabic on my blog, so I don’t know why that would show up. Secondly, Down Syndrome and midget giraffes are far sicker than anything I could ever come up with. Because the only animal with Down Syndrome on my site is a dolphin, and a midget giraffe seems like an oxymoron. The whole thing about a shark and a dolphin getting it on together makes me shudder. And snakes don’t have asses.

Glad to know that my blog generates so much useful traffic. Hooray!

Vacation time

November 16, 2010

Well, the day is finally here! I’m going on vacation to South Africa tonight. Depending on what the situation is like over there, I might have to cut down on my blogging. But I’ll do everything in my power to still keep you updated and post regularly!

In the meantime, I will make use of my abandoned drawings, because I have a lot of shit to do and don’t have time for a real post. I’ll leave you with some animals:

This is a draft for what was going to be a full-on post, but I decided that'd've been too Wikipedia-like. So I never pursued it.

Honestly, I don't know why ANYONE likes dolphins. They're douchebaggy, annoying, have creepy teeth, and look sort of like sharks with Down Syndrome.

Yeah there's not much to say about this one. Except that bears are awesome.


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