Posts Tagged ‘tattoo’

Tattoos!

June 27, 2011

I’m a horrible blogger, I know. But you know what? It’s all your fault. I don’t know how, but it is. So yeah. I actually have nothing exciting to say today, but I figured I might as well post something before my conscious completely eats away at my soul. Also, I can’t find the pen for my drawing tablet again. So bear with me.

By now you’re probably wondering what the title of this post has to do with the boring content. Well, you’re about to find out. Like, right now: I just got my official tattoo artist license! So I’m going to post some of my designs that got the highest positive feedback, along with the price and how long it’d take, etc. Enjoy!

"Know thyself" / Price: $200 / Time: 1.5 hours / Suggestions: Stretch across your upper back to really stand out in a crowd. Make sure there's either a typo or you don't understand its meaning, for extra douche-points!

 

"Dia de los Muertos" / Price: $800 / Time: 4 - 5 hours / Suggestion: Put this bad boy on your neck, so people think you're part of the Spanish Mafia and get intimidated by you. You'll get any job you apply for!

 

"Ee-ee-ee-eee-eee!" / Price: $450 / Time: 1 hour / Suggestions: Wear this aquatic douchebag on your ankle to let everyone know you're an idiot with only half a brain. Guaranteed to make people judge you!

 

Other ideas:

If you’re Irish, how about a nice shamrock?

If your great great uncle twice-removed just passed away, why not honour him by tattooing his face from the 1970’s across your pectoral muscle?

If you like random swirls, consider a completely meaningless tribal design on your lower back!

If you’re a stereotypical biker, why not get a “I <3 Mom” tattoo on your bicep?

 

I have so many other fantastic designs in my head! I can also do custom work! Just set up an appointment and we can go over your thoughts on paper. Also, if I don’t like you, be prepared for me to overcharge you and use dirty needles! Actually, I’ll do that for everyone, so don’t think you’re special. Hooray!

Note: If you’re the police or some sort of government health official, please understand that this entire post is meant strictly for entertainment purposes. I do not have a tattoo license. I do not have a tattoo parlour. I do not intend to stick people with dirty needles (wink!). I do, however, own the above posted images, so if you’re a real tattooist, fuck off. You’ll never be as good as me.

Tattoo taboo

May 31, 2010

Ladies and gentlemen, the time has come. That wonderful time of year when I decide on getting yet another tattoo. Only this time, it’ll be a double whammy. Here’s the story.

Sailors, as you may or may not know, are highly superstitious beings. Also, the majority of hardcore-nautical men get tattoos as a souvenir of sort, to show where they’ve been. This combination of superstitious badassness has lead to a variety of typical sailor tattoos that we see today. A common example is the anchor, which signifies stability.

Anyway, the tattoos I wanna get are a small pig on top of one foot (like just under my last two toes) and a small rooster on the other. The myth behind the pig and the rooster is a little vague, and there are a lot of variations and twists to the symbolism behind them. One explanation is that both of these barnyard creatures despise the water and will therefore help a capsized sailor swim quickly to shore by carrying each of his feet and not sinking too far into the depths of the ocean. Another tale involves a huge shipwreck, and everyone died except this one smart dude who grabbed hold of one of the cargo crates that was floating nearby. Eventually, he drifted to shore, and after a while, so did a lot more boxes. Upon opening them, he found that some of the crates housed pigs, and the others contained roosters, and they were the only things that didn’t sink into the sea. So when he explored the island to look for other people and shelter and shit, he found this native guy and told him the story (in exaggerated hand gestures) and the native as a token of luck, tattooed a pig onto one of his feet and a rooster on the other.

Regardless of how the story goes, the bottom line is always the same: in sailor superstition, tattooing a pig and a rooster on each foot will prevent you from drowning. Now I know you’re asking yourself if I’m on crack because I’m 1.) not a sailor and 2.) fully capable of swimming, so why would I consider permanently inking two random (yet delicious) farm animals onto my feet? The answer is simple. July 27th marks the end of a full year’s worth of slavery at Jumeirah. And in that time, not one person drowned under my watch. And in honour of surviving a hellish year and saving others from the water’s death grip, I will get my fucken sailor tattoos. Because it’s fitting. And they will be cute. And Jumeirah has consumed an entire year of my life, and I feel I must pay respect by honouring It with some form of permanent tribute. And I mean, I’m not retarded, like, I’m not going to ink the Jumeirah logo onto my cheek or something. So I think this is the best option.

In other news, while we’re still on the topic of tattoos, Aaron just asked me to help him come up with another design for his forearm and I’m pretty excited for it. Because the idea I have in my head is wicked, I just need to find time to get it down on paper. And when that happens, I’ll share with you the final version.

M.I.A.

June 6, 2009

Wow, for a while there I kinda forgot that I had a blog! Heh heh… oops. So without  further ado, I shall now fill in my millions of three fans on what’s been happening in my oh-so-exciting life.

  • MY BABY SISTER WENT TO SENIOR PROM! AND GRADUATED!

Ten's promTen's graduation

 

 

 

 

 

  • I recently watched Terminator 12 Billion (good), Crank 2 (fucken excellent!), Monsters vs. Aliens (it had its funny moments), and X-Men Origins (fantastic!). 
  • I switched from Marlboro Lights to Marlboro Menthol Lights because it’s getting hotter and the mintyness of menthols makes me feel refreshed and happy.
  • I’ve developed some sort of sleeping disorder. Some claim it’s laziness, others believe it’s lupus, but basically I just… sleep! A lot! And I’m always tired, even after thirteen hours of straight sleeping? Is this normal? I think not. I blame it on the summer.
  • Speaking of summer, I’m a full-time lifeguard! Starting mid-July. 
  • Uhm, what else… See, my life is really quite boring. I’m getting another tattoo, I still have plans to kill Feb, I have a weird cramp in my neck, Tommy’s breath is getting worse by the second, there’s nothing good on TV, I’m supposed to be knitting (of all things), I feel like going skiing, my dreams have become even more twisted than usual, and Ma didn’t make me coffee this morning so I’m grumpy and ranting and because of my new sleeping disorder I’m too lethargic to go make some myself.

Yup, so that’s pretty much it! I promise I’ll be more blog-productive from now on. I miss being able to talk about myself as much as I want without anyone interru–ONE SEC, MA! I’M BLOGGING!

So yeah, get ready for some June madness. 

 

Edit: I forgot to give much-deserved credit to Aaron, for being the initiator of the Menthol trend that is sweeping the nation. Or at least my circle of friends. Kudos!

Catching up. Quickly.

January 25, 2009

Okay so this is going to be super quick (hopefully), because I have a lot of shit to do. Being back at uni is lame like that.

The flight I was supposed to be on (to Amsterdam) ended up being delayed. For four hours. Not one, not two, four effing hours. So we were like okay sweet, whatever. I mean, waiting four hours isn’t really the end of the world. Especially since we’d have our connecting flight rebooked and everything. Right? 

Wrong. The check-in lady was like, “Yeah about that… It seems we forgot to rebook your connecting flight, so you’re going to be stranded in Schiphol for like, a day, or however long it takes for the next flight to go out.” Ma and I were thinking that wouldn’t be too bad, hey? But then Jenny Raincloud reminded us that our baggage [(4 suitcases x 50 lbs each) + 1 rolly carry-on + 3 big handbag-type-things + dodgy as hell Schiphol = disaster] was also not checked through. So we decided to kill her.

Just kidding. That would’ve gotten us in trouble. Instead, she suggested we hop on the Emirates Air flight that would leave in a couple hours, and fly non-stop to Dubai. So I guess the plus was that we could fall asleep and wake up in Dubai and arrive earlier than expected, but the minus was obviously the lack of Amsterdam in the middle of our trip. *sigh*

Today was my first day back at uni. Nothing’s changed except for Mohammed’s hair. It’s shorter. I haven’t seen Jessica or Mushood yet though, so we’ll see what happens with them tomorrow. 

I was totally just going to say something mildly cool, but I can’t remember what it was… I hate it when that happens. Oh! Yeah now I remember: I got another tattoo today. : D 

Yeah and that’s basically your super quick update as to what has happened kind of. But now I have to go figure out my timetable and what books I need to buy and stuff. So yeah. Bye!


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