Archive for February, 2011

Word of the Day #3

February 28, 2011

paraph n. a flourish added after or below a signature, originally to prevent forgery

Just a relevant funny

February 22, 2011

Saw this on Cyanide and Happiness today and had to post it.

Word of the Day #2

February 20, 2011

numnah n. a felt or sheepskin pad placed between a horse’s back and the saddle to prevent chafing

Getting older… again.

February 19, 2011

Alright guys. As you may or may not know by now, every year on the 25th of February I gain a year of wisdom, awesomeness, fame, and the inevitable – age. Yes, that’s right, my birthday is next week. And as per tradition, I shall now compile my list of desired presents. Please decide amongst yourselves who’s going to get me what, but I’d appreciate it if this time around, I get everything on my list, not just a few select items.

  1. A Play Station 3. For realsies. You don’t even have to get me the games if you’re too lazy or poor. Just get me the console so I can sit around for hours on end, killing millions of brain cells. I have too many anyway. Wink!
  2. A husband for Agatha. She’s my tortoise. And she’s lonely. Please buy her a husband. I will call him Leopold.
  3. I need someone to go through my iTunes library, clean it up (i.e. remove duplicates, edit spelling and capitalisation, etc.), and update it. I’ll give you a list. I’m just too lazy to do it myself.
  4. A job. Hire me! I enjoy sleeping, eating, watching TV, and sleeping. So if you can pay me to do any of those activities, consider me. I’ll send you my CV.
  5. A Jeep Wrangler Sport. I’ll leave the colour choice up to you, but if it’s pink, I’ll run you over. No jokes.
  6. An iPhone 4. I still never got one as my Christmas present, so I’m giving you people a second chance.
  7. I’m looking for a female my height and build who is willing to go clothes shopping for me. I’ll give you the money, you go and try shit on, and come back with a lot of new clothes. (I’m lookin’ at you, Ten.)
  8. I’m over my crystal meth lab. I now want a cocaine factory. If you set it up for me and make it happen, you get a 30% discount for life.
  9. More animals. I really want a snake, a rabbit, some ducks, and a dog.
  10. My very own Nespresso machine, which I will train to not backfire and burn the skin off my bones. Yeah, it’s a long story. You either know it or you don’t. But I want a Nespresso machine.
  11. A water bed. Queen-sized or King-sized will do.
  12. How many times do I need to ask for an electric violin? Come on people, get with the program! Chop-chop.
  13. Two free tickets to go either sky-diving or skiing.
  14. A comfortable three-seater couch for Adam’s house. Because sitting on the one he has now makes me homicidal. A futon will also do.
  15. A sushi chef who will be at my service whenever I’m in the mood for raw seafood (which is surprisingly often).
  16. A photo printer. With several extra ink cartridges. And photo paper in various sizes. I like them medium-glossy.
  17. A highly-priced gift voucher for Ace Hardware. I’m in the building mood. I’m thinking of constructing a cabin in my garden, fully equipped with AC and electricity and everything. I’m not even kidding.
  18. A manicure and pedicure. Adam always says I have monkey-feet and Peter always says I have man-hands. Neither of them should be taken seriously because they’re just being mean, but a mani/pedi wouldn’t hurt…
  19. Baking utensils. I’ve decided to become a baker of bread. Nothing sweet. No cookies or cakes or muffins, just bread. And I need my kitchen to be equipped for such an undertaking. I’m talking rolling pin, cool apron and chef hat, all those weird-shaped thingies for the dough to go in to make the bread look cool, etc.
  20. Something that makes me invisible so when we have annoying guests, I don’t have to socialise with them.
  21. My own army.
  22. A big massage chair.
  23. Cash daula. Not sure which item on this list you wanna get me? Just give me a heaping pile of cash! The more you give me, the more I’ll “like” you as a “friend.”

UPDATE: Ma bought me not one, but two tortoises! They are cute and perfect. Leopold and Eleanor. Yes.

ANOTHER UPDATE: I also received a lot of new cute clothes and gift vouchers. Not for Ace though. But I’m going to Ace now anyway, so I thought I’d cross that one off. Also, Ten’s getting me baking supplies. Finally, regardless of how many people get me #23, I will never cross it off, but I’m giving a shout out to Said, who’s obvs a “really good friend” of mine.

Word of the Day #1

February 12, 2011

phenomenal adj. extraordinary; outstanding; exceedingly or unbelievably great.

“Oh please. You and I both know I’m a phenomenal dancer.”

It only gets weirder…

February 12, 2011

The other day I had a weird dream and I really wanted to blog about it. So when I woke up, I went straight to my laptop and jotted down the key points of the dream, with the intention of filling in the details later. When “later” came, however, I couldn’t find the pen for my drawing tablet, so I just saved the draft and forgot about it.

Now, four or five days afterwards, I remembered this little half-started post in my drafts folder. However, I’ve forgotten the real details of the dream and I still haven’t found my pen.

So it’s going to be brief, might not make sense, and the comics will look even worse than normal because I’ll be drawing them with my finger on my mouse pad:

We were at a house party, but then we started moving. Apparently we were at a boat party and I didn’t know. I was scared.

There was a dog. But not a normal-sized dog. It was elephant-sized.

Viktor gave me twenty vials of drugs for my birthday. But Viktor looked like the old (current) version of Brad Pitt.

I was holding a snake. It bit me. And didn’t let go for several hours. I was light-headed.

The big dog could fly. He had a jet-pack. If you whistled, he’d come back.

Sometimes the big dog turned into a man who looked like Jesus.

The houseboat started moving at warp speed. The deck got really slippery. I fell into the water.

Big flying Jesus dog saved me.

I repaid him with a vial of drugs.

Favourite Word

February 11, 2011

Plinky asked me today what my favourite word is. Off the top of my head, I’d have to say parsimonious. And maybe irksome as well.

Which brings me to my next point: I’m going to start a Word of the Day segment. Get ready.

Oh, and a legit post coming your way tomorrow, so stop stressin’.


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