Posts Tagged ‘presents’

12 Things I want for Christmas

December 19, 2010

I don’t really understand this holiday. I mean, I know Jesus is somehow involved, and it has something to do with six geese a-laying and a partridge in a pear tree, but other than that, I don’t really get it.

However, due to the fact that it is apparently an accepted tradition to give presents on this day, I have compiled a list for you! Please be sure to give me everything I ask for. Otherwise heavy consequences will be suffered.

  1. Seven swans a-swimming.
  2. A new phone. Preferably the iPhone 4, but I’ll settle for pretty much anything that works.
  3. My very own secret laboratory, with complementary mazes full of confused little white mice.
  4. X-Ray vision. If this is impossible, X-Ray goggles will suffice.
  5. A gift voucher for MAC because my makeup is getting all old and dodgy, and I no longer have an eyebrow pencil.
  6. More hours in a day. I think between 30 – 40 is a reasonable amount.
  7. An electric violin.
  8. Everything from Ace Hardware, because I feel like building some more shit.
  9. Five bajillion dollars. You can send it directly to my PayPal account.
  10. The power to hypnotise people instantaneously with just one glance.
  11. A fast and powerful motorcycle, so I can give it to Adam asĀ his Christmas present. Then again, if I get wish #9, this item can be crossed off and ignored.
  12. Anything from my 21st and 22nd birthday wish lists that I still haven’t received. Damn you, postal service!

Yep, so that’s pretty much it. Go ahead and email me, and I’ll send you an appropriate address, depending on which gift it is you’re getting me. I mean, the violin can just go to Ma’s P.O. Box, but like, the laboratory needs to be built on-site. So I’ll help you out with those details via email.

You have six days.

Twenty-one birthday wishes

February 23, 2009

So for those of you who know me, my birthday’s on Wednesday. For those of you who don’t know me, my birthday’s on Wednesday. So regardless, none of you have an excuse to not send me presents. To make the process a bit easier, I have taken the liberty to compile a list of desired gifts. I trust you will find a way to make all my dreams come true… Here’s what I want:

  1. A talking lion, like the one from Narnia. But a real one, not a CGI one.
  2. A money tree. Preferably a very leafy one, with large bills. But, you know, anything’ll do. Whatever you can get your hands on.
  3. Skinny jeans.
  4. The new MacBook Pro. Any size’ll do.
  5. My own amusement park (complete with water slide! *schwing!*)
  6. The full DVD set of all the South Park episodes ever made.
  7. New friends. Not that my current friends suck or anything… *wink!*
  8. A lifetime supply of hummus and/or black licorice.
  9. A Bugatti Veyron car.
  10. Any kind of superpower. But a cool superpower like flying or shooting lasers from my eyes or being invisible or something, not a lame one like… I dunno, being stretchy or turning into a big angry green monster.
  11. A time machine that works in both directions. If this is too difficult to acquire, I’d prefer one that transports to the past rather than the future.
  12. Genetically-engineered bunnies that double as slaves.
  13. A program that enables me to hack into the university’s system and give me 100% in all my classes.
  14. Blue suede shoes.
  15. A brain transplant? Perhaps?
  16. Free tickets to Aquaventure and any upcoming concerts I might be interested in for the next five years.
  17. My very own underground ice-skating rink that’s at least ten acres in area.
  18. A fancy-schmancy camera with a lot of awesome features.
  19. A jar full of rainbows.
  20. A zoo of mythical creatures.
  21. Ray Bans.

Well what are you waiting for? You have two days! Aaaand… go.

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