Posts Tagged ‘wisdom teeth’

It’s that time of year again…

February 9, 2010

Okay everyone, we’re now a week (and a bit) into the wonderful month of February. I’m sure you all know by now that this means it is a time of joyous celebration and festivity. Not only because the end of winter is near, but also because I am approaching twenty-two fucking years of life on this godforsaken planet.

So for those interested, I have finally compiled my birthday wishlist:

  1. A pony. Preferably one with magical powers.
  2. A camera. At this point in my life, based on my poverty and lack of photo-taking technology, I’m going to be completely honest and say I’m not picky. However, something digital and simple (with high resolution nonetheless) would be in order. Underwater capabilities would be a definite plus.
  3. Two katrillion dollars.
  4. My own planet.
  5. A python and/or iguana, who shall be named Billy and Izzy, respectively.
  6. New Uggs, because my current ones are starting to look dilapidated, and people tell me I look homeless when I wear them. Any colour will suffice, although I’m not particularly a fan of the black ones.
  7. Dare I say, a Blackberry? I’m not too sure whether or not I’ll actually like it though. It just seems to be the norm nowadays, and sometimes I wish I had a Blackberry as a status symbol in today’s fucked up society.
  8. A gift voucher for Virgin, because there’s heaps of things I love in that store, ranging from T-shirts to Apple appliances.
  9. The newest (legal) version of Adobe Photoshop. I used to have a legit version on my old computer, but it was old. Like my computer. Now I have a new computer and no Photoshop. I had a trial version until recently, but then I had to restart my laptop, so my thirty day period expired and now I’m sad. This wish is in direct relation to Wish #2.
  10. The power to control time.
  11. The ability to make human suffrage legal.
  12. 2012.
  13. An African grey parrot who is already trained to speak proper English and follow simple commands. Of course, I would further train him to be my accomplice in world domination, but for the time being, a simple yet open-minded one will do. This wish surpasses Wish #5 by a large margin, but does not necessarily replace it.
  14. My very own crystal meth laboratory. I’ve been working on it for several months now, but it’s a lot more difficult than it seems. So having an up-and-running one would help me a lot, both financially and emotionally.
  15. A new wardrobe. Not physically, rather, content-wise. As in, don’t go to IKEA and buy me a new closet. Instead, get me a lot of new cute clothes, including jeans, shirts, shorts, jackets, and shoes. If you’re confused as to what clothes to buy me, see Wish #3.
  16. A little Asian dude who can be my personal slave/masseur for the rest of my life.
  17. Any form of free dental care. I have several things I wish to accomplish, including a routine checkup, cleaning, the removal of unwanted wisdom teeth, and whitening. Any/all of the above will suffice.
  18. Sushi dinner.
  19. A car. AC and brakes are a plus.
  20. More creativity/brain cells.
  21. Something to kill people with. Household weapons no longer do the trick. A bazooka or two would be nice.
  22. Higher metabolism.

Alright, well that pretty much sums things up! I posted my address somewhere once before, but I’ll have to find it again for those of you who don’t stalk me and haven’t memorised it already. Let me know if you’d like me to tell it to you again.

Other than that, have a good February, and enjoy the shittiest holiday of the year (Valentine’s Day). I’ll be working like the Jumeirah slave that I am.

New Year Resolutions

January 2, 2010

I had a mini-conversation with Adam the other day about New Year resolutions. He asked me if I had any, and I told him I don’t believe in them. Firstly because I don’t think one must wait until January to change things about oneself, and secondly because I tried it (once) and I gave up after about January 3rd.

However, seeing as how we’re not only in a new year now, but a new fucking decade, I thought maybe I’d give the whole resolution thing another go. Here’s the list I came up with:

  1. Become more blogative (if that’s a word). I know I’ve been like, a really really horrible blogger, and I say this every time I write a new post, but this time I’m really going to try to write at least one sentence a week. Because I love you all so dearly. And also because I feel like I’m getting dumber by the day, so at least this way I can remember how to formulate grammatically correct sentences and string them together into sensible paragraphs that you probably couldn’t care less about.
  2. Stop hating children. Next month I will be celebrating my twenty-second year of life on this planet (excluding the in-the-womb part), and I think I’m getting to that stage in my life when I need to seriously stop hating kids. Because at the moment I loathe them. I try to torture and/or kill them any chance I get. When a child comes within a hundred meter radius of me, I get a severe burning sensation in my heart. I laugh when they get injured or start crying for no apparent reason. I feel nauseated when they giggle or talk or try to be cute. All these feelings of hatred must slowly come to a stop. So I’m going to try to smile at them and stop referring to them as “it.” And maybe, just maybe, by the end of the year I’ll actually hug or carry one. Mind you I said “maybe.” Twice. And now thrice. So don’t hold your breath.
  3. Learn more languages. I want to be like, octalingual. At least. I’ve already got my Rosetta Stone Arabic CDs going on, and I’ve progressed to the level of being able to say “The white airplane flies” and “The small boy jumps” and “The girl is wearing two red socks and the woman is wearing a purple hat,” but that’s not good enough. I need to be like, fluent enough to rap in Arabic. Other languages I have interest in include Chinese, Russian, and Italian. And of course touching up on my French. Oui oui!
  4. Get annoying parts of my body removed. I know. I could’ve said that in a less weird way, but hey, this is Ona we’re talking about, so de-weirding sentences doesn’t really happen often. But basically my wisdom teeth need to go. So do my tonsils. Perhaps I will keep them in (separate) jars as souvenirs, if the doctors will let me. If not, I’ll fight them for it. And if worse comes to worst, I can just attempt self-surgery.

Kay well that’s it. I’m kinda new to this, so I don’t know if that’s a puny list, or if four resolutions is like, way too much. But whatever. It’s how I roll. There are other things that I want to do as well (such as sky diving, visiting Greenland, and taking over the world), but I think those are less “resolutions” and more “things to do before I die.” So we’ll save that for another list at another point in time.

Happy 2010 to all of you! Feel free to leave comments as to how shit it already is. I’ll laugh empathise.


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