Posts Tagged ‘funny’

Twitter Predictions

April 16, 2011

So I found this site that can predict what your next tweet might be, based on your already existing “twitter DNA.” Here are some of my favourite ones that it generated:

“I HAVE COME UP WITH A PLAN! You can like, silhouette yourself even. For me.”

“Cocaine? I haven’t practiced.”

“I need to make pancakes. Might be able to sleep in movies.”

“I keep forgetting about testicles. Watching Bruno now. Yeah, kinda.”

“Need to feed the skin. Need to become even more awesome than pork.”

“Just got back from Adam’s. Learned about twitter. Will let you know.”

“I wonder if I’ll *actually* do it. I need a really, really, really BAD idea.”

“I started over. Whammy!”

“Will let you know when ants crawl on the tortoises. *shakes uncontrollably*”

“Where is my fix? God I hate mosquitos.”

P.S. I know this doesn’t count as a legit post. Will do a proper one a little later.

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Bart’s long lost twin brother

August 27, 2010

I stumbled upon this video on YouTube today, and this is exactly what Bart does any time an empty box is left unattended somewhere in the house. Whether you have a cat or not, you’ll appreciate the humour. Even the sound effects are spot on!

The Fun Police

July 18, 2010

Tell a story with dialogue. Your characters: two cops in Alaska.

“License and registration, please.”

“But officer, I–”

“Hey. Didn’t you hear my partner? He said… ‘License and registration. Please.'” The two cops stood on either side of the vehicle.

The boy laughed nervously. “Look, officers, I uh, I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong here.”

“Just give us your license and registration, son.”

The boy was as bewildered as a deer who jumped in front of a snow plow. He looked between the two policemen and searched desperately for a glint of humour in their eyes, as if expecting them to burst into laughter, clap him on the back, and reassure him that they’re just pulling his leg. But there was no such glint. They were serious. Unsure of how to react, he carefully reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out his library card and a recent receipt from Target. He handed both to the friendlier-looking cop, who inspected the documents thoroughly.

“Do you have any idea how fast you were going?”

“What? Uh, no. Not at all.”

“You’re telling us you have no idea how fast you were going. None whatsoever?” the second officer asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Well, I mean, if I had to guess, I’d say I was going maybe 25? 30? But it’s not like there’s a speed lim–”

“25?! 30?!” The first officer cut him off. “Are you high or something? We clocked you going forty-three!

The boy was in disbelief. Were these guys serious? So he was going 43 mph, big deal. There was absolutely no traffic, and no speed limit as far as he was concerned.

“Listen. Here’s what we’re going to do,” the first officer said, passing the documents over to his partner. “We’re going to take you down to the station and sort this mess out over some hot chocolate. You like marshmallows?”

“I’m sorry officers, but what ‘mess’ are you referring to? I wasn’t speeding! I’m just a kid, having some fun! Give me a break!”

The two cops exchanged a single, silent nod of agreement. The second one threw the documents at the boy and grabbed him by the collar of his jacket. “If we catch you being reckless again,” he growled in a low voice, “there won’t even be a conversation. Just a one-way ride to jail, you understand? Consider this a friendly fucking warning.” He released his grip, spat on the ground, and did the I’m-watching-you signal by pointing two fingers at his eyes and then back at the boy. The two policemen then returned to their car and drove off.

The boy put his library card and Target receipt back into his pocket, shaking his head in confusion. He then kicked off and, being sure to mind his speed and his steering, he slowly sled down the hill.

Meanwhile, back in the patrol car, Tyler and Ethan were in hysterics. “Aw man, Tyler, that one never gets old! Did you see the look on his face?! He was about to shit his pants when we said we’d take him to jail!”

“Yeah,” chuckled Tyler, “the sledder pull-over is a classic. Gets me every time. Hey, you wanna go down to the lake and ‘arrest’ the ice-fishers for defacement of public property?”

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Potty and Cracky

April 1, 2009

Okay so I know I’ve been really distant lately… Not really. But you know what I mean. I’ve got like, finals to start studying for and stuff. And as you probably know, with finals comes procrastination. So I finally got started on my new comic strip!

It’s called Potty and Cracky, and basically centres around several characters that have been adapted from my real life. Potty and Cracky are obviously the main characters, but I’ve created other characters as well, including Eckie, Koky, and Alky, all of whom you will soon meet. Guest characters will also be featured occasionally, so if you have suggestions or anything, feel free to let me know.

For those of you who expect traditional ha-ha humour, just don’t even bother. Because Potty and Cracky is far from traditional. It is silly, random, often R-rated humour that most of the time will not make sense, and you have to have a similar mindset to my own in order to understand the jokes. It’s basically just dumb. But funny. Especially if you’re a college student.

So without further ado, here’s the first episode. Enjoy! Oh yeah and one more thing: I’m not so talented with the whole web comic thing yet, so until I figure out how to do stuff properly, you’re going to have to click on the comic to make it big enough to see without a magnifying glass. I’m ghetto like that. Wee!

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P.S. TEN GOT ACCEPTED INTO BROWN UNIVERSITY!!!!!

Soul Meets Body

March 8, 2009

I found this on facebook and decided to give it a try out of boredom/curiosity. The results were kinda creepy, because they actually worked! Most of the time. Check it out:

RULES:
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Tag 21 friends.
5. Everyone tagged has to do the same thing.
6. Have Fun!

IF SOMEONE SAYS ‘ARE YOU OKAY’ YOU SAY?
Stellar (Incubus)

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Pool Shark (Sublime)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
One Year of Love (Queen)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Tumbling Dice (Rolling Stones)

WHAT’S YOUR MOTTO?
Hate It or Love It (The Game feat. 50 Cent)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Been Smoking Too Long (Nick Drake)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Peaceful Easy Feeling (Eagles)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Losing Hope (Jack Johnson)

WHAT IS 2 + 2?
Track 05 (Eminem)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Smoke Two Joints (Sublime)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Learning to Fly (Tom Petty)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Blood Sugar Sex Magik (Red Hot Chili Peppers)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Stick-Shifts and Safety Belts (Cake)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Old Love (Eric Clapton)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Gangsta’s Paradise (Coolio)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST??
Runnin’ With the Devil (Van Halen)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR??
Under the Gun (The Killers)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
I Can’t Explain (The Who)

WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
Another Brick in the Wall (Pink Floyd)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
No Surprises (Radiohead)

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Soul Meets Body (Death Cab for Cutie)

Haha, some of these are pretty funny, actually. Others make me sound way more emo than I actually am.


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