Archive for March, 2009

R.I.P. Frederick

March 18, 2009

Residing ‘twixt the kitchen sink and the coffee maker, his fishbowl always held a glimmer of happiness.

The bowl itself refracted sunlight not only across the room, but across the hearts of anyone lucky enough to be nearby. Perfectly accented angles of light bounced off the smooth, shiny, glass surface in all directions.

Staring into the depths of his little Utopia, the crystal clear water would ripple seductively with each sigh of content and awe that one would exhale. And the star himself, the focus of everyone’s attention, would swim elegantly through the crisp water, his long and lustrous tail swaying gracefully behind him. Mesmerizing his audience with the fluidity of his movements, Frederick would glide through the water like a feather in the breeze. Ever twisting and tumbling and twirling in a dream-like manner, his gills shimmered and glistened in the light.

Having a strong passion for life, Frederick always had the ability to lift the mood of any passerby. This is the one characteristic that we will all remember and cherish most about Frederick.

Even those who have not had the privilege to know Frederick personally will be able to understand the serene feelings that this little fish invoked. The satisfaction of stretching in bed every morning, the breeze that whispers past and kisses you on the cheek on a hot summer afternoon, the calming sounds of breaking waves, the warmth and smell of laundry fresh out of the dryer… These are all sensations that are similar to the aura surrounding Frederick, but still do not come close to describing its magnificent power. The general idea, however, can be imagined.

Frederick was a wonderful fish and it saddens me deeply that he is no longer with us in body. But his spirit still surrounds us, and his exuberance will remain alive in our minds, hearts, and souls.

Although the kitchen is no longer as vibrant and lively as it once was, the memory of a great pet will linger on for years to come. May his tiny little body rest in peace.

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The highlight of my evening

March 15, 2009

Ona: Oh my gosh Ten, check out these cute underwear I found in my closet!

(Ona lifts shirt and reveals underwear)

Ten: Are those… men’s underwear?

Ona: Yup! It says on the tag “Marks and Spencer, Ages 7-8.”

Ten: Dude, you’re wearing little boys’ underwear?! That’s so Michael Jackson.

 

You had to have been there. It was epic.

Suicidal Tea

March 13, 2009

So there’s this commercial on TV that makes me almost cry every time I see it. But it’s really beautiful in a low-budget sort of way. Some of you may know it:

There’s this woman in the kitchen, and she’s boiling some water for tea. When the kettle whistles, she reaches over to this cute little glass jar, in which there are several bags of Lipton tea. She then enjoys her tea.

The punchline of the commercial, however, is that now Lipton has made their tea boxes with like, magical freshness foil or something, so you no longer need to use a big ol’ jar. So the woman in the kitchen obviously buys it (otherwise there’d be no point to the commercial), and the next time she makes tea, she neglects her loyal jar.

The kettle boils, the jar condensates, and then the woman reaches past the jar for the new freshness foil Lipton box .  The jar then sheds a single tear of utter despair and sorrow, knowing that it is now useless and has no more reason for living.

He then shuffles over to the window and jumps. And all you hear a second later is the sound of shattering glass, followed by the voice-over talking about how much cooler this new tea is.

Sad, innit? Anyway the reason why I’m posting this isn’t to make you suicidal and/or crave tea. No. The reason is twofold: Firstly, I can’t find the video clip online anywhere, but I’m emo enough to want my own copy to watch whenever I wish. So find it for me please? And secondly, Shall We Dance is on TV and I’m bored out of my skull because it’s one of the lamest movies ever made. So I thought I’d multitask.

In other news, my spring break is almost over, and it’s making me sad.

Soul Meets Body

March 8, 2009

I found this on facebook and decided to give it a try out of boredom/curiosity. The results were kinda creepy, because they actually worked! Most of the time. Check it out:

RULES:
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Tag 21 friends.
5. Everyone tagged has to do the same thing.
6. Have Fun!

IF SOMEONE SAYS ‘ARE YOU OKAY’ YOU SAY?
Stellar (Incubus)

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Pool Shark (Sublime)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
One Year of Love (Queen)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Tumbling Dice (Rolling Stones)

WHAT’S YOUR MOTTO?
Hate It or Love It (The Game feat. 50 Cent)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Been Smoking Too Long (Nick Drake)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Peaceful Easy Feeling (Eagles)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Losing Hope (Jack Johnson)

WHAT IS 2 + 2?
Track 05 (Eminem)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Smoke Two Joints (Sublime)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Learning to Fly (Tom Petty)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Blood Sugar Sex Magik (Red Hot Chili Peppers)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Stick-Shifts and Safety Belts (Cake)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Old Love (Eric Clapton)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Gangsta’s Paradise (Coolio)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST??
Runnin’ With the Devil (Van Halen)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR??
Under the Gun (The Killers)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
I Can’t Explain (The Who)

WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
Another Brick in the Wall (Pink Floyd)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
No Surprises (Radiohead)

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Soul Meets Body (Death Cab for Cutie)

Haha, some of these are pretty funny, actually. Others make me sound way more emo than I actually am.

True story:

March 8, 2009

ELISE! I MISS YOU!

An icy wonderland

March 2, 2009

Ten, Omar, Mohammed, and I decided to go to Dubai Mall. I was driving my Hummer limousine, Mohammed had shotgun, and Ten and Omar were in the spacious back part. Which had an ice-skating rink in it. They were rehearsing.

We get to the mall and manage to find parking, grab our skates, and enter through the entrance near the aquarium. There, we had to stow away our normal walking shoes and slip on our skates, because the entire mall was covered in ice. So instead of walking from store to store, one had to skate. Which was good news for us, because only few people could skate well enough to shop in that manner, so there wasn’t too much people-traffic.

We made our way through the mall, stopping at the Adidas store to buy some french fries (weird, I know), and finally reached our destination: a huge rink smack-dab in the middle of the mall that had bleachers full of about ten thousand spectators. The show was about to start!

Ten and Omar changed into their costumes, and for some reason, Mohammed and I weren’t in the show. But we were like, crew people, in charge of music and lighting and such.

Anyway, I cross-faded the lights and Mohammed aimed a spotlight at the announcer. “LADIES AND GENTLEMEN…” boomed his voice, “WELCOME TO THE THIRD ANNUAL ICE-SKATING EXTRAVAGANZA!” While he was talking, I was supposed to get my music ready for the routine, but my computer was refusing to work! I tried restarting it and everything, but nothing seemed to get my iTunes open. Which sucked, because I foolishly forgot to make a backup of the music I needed. “…LET THE SKATING BEGIN!” Shit! Ten and Omar had already taken their positions, waiting to hear the music cue, but I couldn’t get anything up and running!

“Listen loser, you’re gunna have to improvise,” I told Mohammed. “Don’t worry about it, I got it covered. I’m gunna sing the song myself,” he replied smugly. This actually did worry me, because Mohammed can’t sing for shit. Let alone in front of ten thousand people for some huge ice-skating event.

Suddenly, the music starts. What? How is this possible? I thought. It sounds exactly like the real song! With syncopation and rhythm and snare drums and backup harmonies and instrumentals and everything! I turned to look at Mohammed, who was now plugged into an amp, and he just winked at me. “Dude, seriously. This is fucking weird, how are you doing this?”

He then explained to me that because he’d heard the song so many times before, and because he’s part bedouin, part robot, he has the ability to use his brain like an extensive CD-ROM and burn shit onto it. So the music we needed was written onto his brain, and all he had to do was set up the necessary connections, and the music would play. This same procedure could be used for anything, including studying, watching movies, learning languages, memorising dance moves, and everything else one can possibly do in life. I was in awe.

Meanwhile, Ten and Omar started their routine. And they looked amazing! Ten landed the triple axle perfectly, while Omar skated backwards in front of her, matching her every move in reverse. Then came the part of the routine where he had to lift her over his head and spin on axis, let her go so she would fly through the air, then do some weird flip-thing, and she was supposed to land on the other end of the rink and spin to a stop. This is the part during their practice runs when they usually messed up. Because he’d throw her too far, and she’d end up crashing into the bleachers. So I crossed my fingers and hoped for the best.

They waited for the crescendo, then he lifted her into the air, and began spinning. After eight counts, he was supposed to fling her across the rink. Eight counts came and went, but the instrumental cue never came. In fact, it sounded like the CD was skipping. But then I remembered: there is no CD! I look at Mohammed, and he’s just standing there, looking confused. “Uhm… Sorry Ona, I don’t remember the next part of the song! My brain is stuck in this loop!”

I looked back at Omar and Ten, and things were not looking good. Because the rule of skating is, you follow the music cue. There was no way Omar would let Ten go until he heard that first note of the violin. So they were still spinning spinning spinning spinning spinning, faster and faster and faster. The ice underneath Omar’s feet was beginning to crack. He was literally drilling a hole through the rink!

“C’mon Mohammed, THINK! You know the next part! It’s like da-da deeeee, dadadaaa dum… da deeeee, dabadabadaaaaaaa… Remember?!” He obviously didn’t. His brain was indeed stuck. Stupid advanced bedouin-robot technology.

There was an ear-splitting crack, and the crowd gasped as the ice finally reached its brink and shattered, forcing Omar to stop spinning. He flung Ten in the direction he was supposed to, she flew gracefully through the air, and landed on a floating patch of ice on the other end of the rink. The audience went wild! They thought this was part of the performance! Omar and Ten were now on opposite ends of the ice-skating rink, which looked more like a semi-frozen ocean, with patches of ice strewn about the place. 

Not sure of what to do next, the two skaters began making use of their small ice-patches and did their own solo performances. But you could tell it was difficult, because the ice was all wobbly and stuff. I had to think fast.

Quick as a bolt, I turned the lighting machine on autopilot and ran downstairs to the garage where the Zamboni was parked. I jumped in the driver’s seat, put it on the submarine setting, and slowly submerged under the water, completely hidden from the crowd. Once I was fully below the surface, there was another garage door that opened into the rink, but from the underside of it.

I slowly cruised forward. On the dashboard were several buttons, with various useful functions. I was particularly concerned with finding the “ice restore” button. Finally, I found it. I then positioned myself in such a way that when I pressed the button, ice would shoot out from the top of the Zamboni, to reach the surface, and fill in the gaps. I did this for the entire length of the rink, and could see that Ten and Omar were back on track, because they were continuing the last part of the routine. Looks like Mohammed remembered the rest of the song after all! Now all I had to do was get back to the garage.

I turned the Zamboni around, to head back to the garage door, but it was nowhere to be found! Apparently it was only an entrance, not an exit. And the only other door led to the inside of the aquarium, where I definitely did not want to be, because there’s like, sharks in there. And everyone knows that sharks eat Zambonis for dinner. 

I heard the muted, underwater sound of the crowd applauding frantically, and looking up, I saw they were throwing roses and stuffed animals and other paraphernalia onto the rink, indicating their extreme level of enjoyment. Ten and Omar bowed several times, and after a while, skated off. Meanwhile, I was still trapped under the surface.

A penguin swam up to the passenger-side window and gazed sheepishly at me. He then took out a piece of paper and started scribbling something on it in permanent marker. When he held the paper up to the window, I could read what he wrote: nEEd hELp?

I nodded and signaled to him that yes, I did in fact need help, and he scribbled back: wAKE up!

And then I heard my phone ring, and Muaz was calling, telling me to wake up and come to uni.

The mysterious case of the milk thief.

March 1, 2009

milkNo but seriously guys. It’s not JUST milk. It’s a way of life. You don’t know it till you try it, but it’s phenomenal. Once you go SQUCoA milk, you never go back. *salivates*


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