Posts Tagged ‘travel’

Travel Plans

May 16, 2011

Guess what, my little minions? It’s that time of year again when it’s way too hot to stay in Dubai, and the only thing to do is book a vacation to Greenland!

Unfortunately, I have no friends or relatives there, nor do I have money to stay in Nuuk hotels, nor does Greenland even have an airport to fly into! And I’m definitely not swimming there. I just got my hair done.

Instead, I’m doing my usual New England run, so I’ll be gone for a little while. I’m leaving tomorrow morning at the crack of dawn, and I’m back in two weeks. So although I’m bringing all of my necessary electronics, I just thought you should know that I will probs be using the degenerative influences of American life as an excuse to not post anything during that time.

To make this a little easier on you guys, I’ve drawn another insanely hilarious knock-knock joke. And yes, that polar bear looks familiar because I was too lazy to draw a brand new one.

Note: Greenland does have an airport. Several, actually. I just Googled it.

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Traveling circus

August 20, 2010

Today I smelled the worst smell known to mankind. But before I go into detail, I’m going to pull a Tarantino and jump to the beginning of the story.

Dubai Airport. International flight. It’s a universal rule that you check-in 2 hours before departure. When do we roll up? One hour before departure. And it’s a full flight. And Ma still has the audacity to ask if she can change her seats to aisle seats. Like, that’s partly the reason they make you come early, isn’t it? So you can do shit like change your seating arrangement, for example. Anyway, the little Asian guy (whose sexual orientation I questioned) firmly but politely told Ma to take her boarding pass and leave. The flight was full. There’s nothing he can do. ESPECIALLY when we’re the last of a plane full of 300 passengers to check-in.

We start going through security. New rule at Dubai airport, by the way: Laptops? Out of the bag, opened, and switched on. Don’t ask me why. Anyway, no issues through security. We walk about five billion miles to the Duty Free, and the psycho maternal accompaniment decides that she urgently needs to buy a toothbrush. Mind you, boarding already started like 15 minutes ago. And we were far from our gate. And a toothbrush isn’t going to save you in the event of a plane crash. It’s not that important that you can’t buy it at the next airport. But Ma was persistent. So I just gave up and told her to meet me outside Gate 119.

The little TV screen in front of the gate flashed FINAL BOARDING in red letters. I knew this shit would happen. Yet another reason why they want you to come two hours before. So that if you forget to pack your toothbrush, you have a bit of spare time to shop around for the perfect combination of plastic, bristles, and rubber grips that make your mouth refreshed and happy. But no. They’re about to taxi the plane out of the gate without us on it, and what’s Ma’s number one priority? The toothbrush.

Eventually, she comes moseying on over at her usual slow pace. AND YOU KNOW WHAT SHE DOES?! “Uhm, excuse meeeee… Can you please give me an aisle seat?” I just stared at her. Was this really happening? Everyone’s on the plane, in their seats, with their seatbelts fastened, and this lady is asking for aisle seats. What makes it even worse is that the woman behind the counter obliged by saying “Just a second ma’am, let me check what’s available,” and my mom responds by giving me all her shit and declaring that she’s going to the bathroom.

Fortunately for everyone in this story (except for myself), I couldn’t find any weapons to kill her with because we had already checked in our luggage, and gone through security with our carry ons. So as much as I wanted to, there was nothing I could do but glare and grunt. Eventually we got on the plane and everyone immediately hated us. If we would’ve crash landed on an island, we’d’ve been the first to get killed for food and clothing.

Time passes and we end up in Amsterdam. I’m going to keep this part of our journey brief, because you can visually experience the story via my facebook albums. But in short, it was cold, it rained twice, was sunny and bright as shit in between the rain periods, and there was a pigeon INSIDE the grocery story. Just chilling in the bread section, eating crumbs. Due to the violations of many health codes, Ma and I just bought our shit and left.

Kay, new plane. And right off the bat, I could sense that this would be a horrible flight. I don’t know why, I could just feel it. And of course, I was right. Ma gets the aisle seat (again), I get the middle seat (again), and some old creepy Iranian woman is sitting on my other side. She’s a talker. I’m a killer. But unfortunately, only one of us had the necessary tools for our trade. Creepy talkative Iranian, 1. Ona, 0. She woke me and asked me what I wanted to drink. She made me fill out her customs form for her because she didn’t have her reading glasses. She leaned over and stared at my laptop screen during the entire operational lifespan of it on flight KL 0641. She woke me to say thanks for helping her with the customs form. She made me take out my earbuds to listen to her life story. She asked me to get her vanilla ice cream from the business class section. By the end of the flight, I was fed the fuck up, and Ma and I literally sprinted towards immigration.

We stood in line for three years, did our laser fingerprints and retina scans, got our baggage, went on the AirTrain to the last stop, got out and transferred to the A-train, and sat down and chilled out. But it’s rush hour traffic, so it’s very congested. And at every station, the conductor would remind us that there’s train traffic ahead, and we should sit tight. Eventually however, after having been stationary for half an hour, the conductor told us all to get on the train on the opposite platform.

We rushed on, the doors sealed shut, and that’s when the smell began. It was bad at first, and only became increasingly worse. It was so bad that it was painful. My eyes were burning. I felt like vomiting. What was emitting such a horrid stench?

And then I saw it. Him, rather. Homeless dude. Wearing about four layers of completely filthy clothes, soaked in urine, and splotched with what appeared to be (and smelled like) human feces, this man made me very uncomfortable. I didn’t even feel compassion, I just felt hatred. If you’re going to reek worse than a landfill, and you’re poor and homeless and it’s summer, stay off the fucking trains. Or chill outside somewhere till after rush hour, and then get on and quietly stink in the corner. But this man chose to sit in the middle of a train car for several if not many stops, and we the passengers could do nothing about it but to shield our faces and pray to our gods to remove this demon from our Earth.

Someone must’ve been a good person, because his or her prayer got answered relatively quickly. Homeless guy looks up, sees the upcoming stop, grabs his garbage bags (literally, two large black Hefty trash bags full of who knows what), and moves towards the door. All this commotion of moving about caused the air to shift and stir, and the smell increased. It was bad. This time, everyone covered their faces and dove out of the way. When he finally left, the world went back to normal.

Anyway, the purpose of this post is in no way meant to make you feel sorry for the homeless guy, but it’s meant to make you feel sorry for me. So I hope it’s working. More updates tomorrow, I’m too jet-lagged to even upload my pictures right now. I didn’t even proof read this.

Catching up. Quickly.

January 25, 2009

Okay so this is going to be super quick (hopefully), because I have a lot of shit to do. Being back at uni is lame like that.

The flight I was supposed to be on (to Amsterdam) ended up being delayed. For four hours. Not one, not two, four effing hours. So we were like okay sweet, whatever. I mean, waiting four hours isn’t really the end of the world. Especially since we’d have our connecting flight rebooked and everything. Right? 

Wrong. The check-in lady was like, “Yeah about that… It seems we forgot to rebook your connecting flight, so you’re going to be stranded in Schiphol for like, a day, or however long it takes for the next flight to go out.” Ma and I were thinking that wouldn’t be too bad, hey? But then Jenny Raincloud reminded us that our baggage [(4 suitcases x 50 lbs each) + 1 rolly carry-on + 3 big handbag-type-things + dodgy as hell Schiphol = disaster] was also not checked through. So we decided to kill her.

Just kidding. That would’ve gotten us in trouble. Instead, she suggested we hop on the Emirates Air flight that would leave in a couple hours, and fly non-stop to Dubai. So I guess the plus was that we could fall asleep and wake up in Dubai and arrive earlier than expected, but the minus was obviously the lack of Amsterdam in the middle of our trip. *sigh*

Today was my first day back at uni. Nothing’s changed except for Mohammed’s hair. It’s shorter. I haven’t seen Jessica or Mushood yet though, so we’ll see what happens with them tomorrow. 

I was totally just going to say something mildly cool, but I can’t remember what it was… I hate it when that happens. Oh! Yeah now I remember: I got another tattoo today. : D 

Yeah and that’s basically your super quick update as to what has happened kind of. But now I have to go figure out my timetable and what books I need to buy and stuff. So yeah. Bye!

Ugh.

January 18, 2009

headache!So you know how I was supposed to go to Long Island today? Yeah well I wake up, right? And there’s a big snow storm swirling around my window. AND I have a headache. ANNDDD, I’m supposed to go shovel the driveway. The problem with the snow storm is that at some point I’m gunna be on a ferry and I don’t necessarily want to reenact any scene from the Titanic. The problem with my headache is that I’m going to be trapped in a fast moving car with my mom for like, two hours. And the addition of snow most likely means no radio the whole trip, so she can “concentrate.” The problem with the shoveling bit is that it’s still snowing. Which means by the time I’m at the end of the driveway, the beginning will be completely covered again. Life can be so sneaky and vicious sometimes. Keep a lookout on facebook later for some horribly cold pictures.

Oh yeah, I guess I still haven’t officially told everyone what the deal is with my back, hey? So it turns out after a billion and a half MRIs that my bones are in fact, healed properly. There’s almost no trace of a previous fracture. You’d think that’s good news, right? Wrong. Because that basically means that my problem isn’t easily fixable via surgery, rather, it’s being cheeky and mysterious. Where is the pain and stiffness coming from? 

Arthritis. Yup, you heard correctly. Due to the constant wear and tear on my bones and ligaments and tendons and whatever other kind of freaky deaky stuff is in that region (I forgot everything I learned in AP Biology, sorry), I now have arthritis. I was kinda under the impression that that’s only something old people get, but yeah. It seems I’ve sped up the process and I have the back of a sixty-year-old. Fun!

Is it treatable? Yes and no. I can do physical therapy and take a bunch of meds for the pain, but the arthritis itself is not treatable. I guess “manageable” is a better word to use. Which is still good! Also, since my bones are technically healed, you know what that means… extreme sports, woo!  Muahaha, just kidding. Kind of. But not really. Actually, not at all. I’m serious. Cliff jumping, sky diving, skiing, dune bashing, ice skating (that’s pretty extreme, right?), and anything else that could potentially result in serious injuries has been approved by my doctor! Yes! But don’t tell Ma.

In related news, I’m also suffering from post concussive syndrome. I don’t really know what that is, but the doctor said that because of multiple trauma to my head, I still have like, brain-bruising or something. And he said that’s probably what’s responsible for my constant snapping at people. Just so you know. Don’t judge me! I’m not heartless!

Yeah so the snow’s only getting worse. Maybe I should get started on the shoveling? Although I’d much rather get hit by a cement truck.

Travel plans

January 17, 2009

orange.Okay so I think I’m leaving Boston tomorrow, and heading towards New York (to stay with my grandma in L.I. for a couple days). Which basically means I won’t have steady access to the Internet because I hate using her desktop, and she doesn’t have wireless.

I should probably be heading back to Dubai on Wednesday, yippee! But then I have to go back to uni, ew. Oh well, my classes this semester aren’t too bad. I just have to make up like TWO EFFING WEEKS, but whatever. I think I’m going to become a library nerd this semester anyway, so it’s alright. 

I need a new laptop. In related news, my birthday is coming up next month! Hint: Get me a roof over my head MacBook Pro… *hypnotises you*

I must now venture downstairs and make a salad to go along with dinner.

By the way, the above image is a tribute to my favourite colour and is dedicated to a certain someone. :)


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