Archive for January, 2011

Ten is cray-cray

January 30, 2011

Hahaha, I just found this on my desktop and thought I’d share it with everyone:

Need a translation?

Black: hello! This is Ten’s first time <3

Red: I wish Jerome would drink milk :( I want the best for him. I am a mother. :'(

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Island music

January 30, 2011

Plinky asked me a stupid-ass question today.

“If stranded on a desert island, and could only bring one music album with you, which would it be? What is it about this music that never gets old for you?”

Okay first of all, who voluntarily gets stranded? This question indicates that someone would come up to me and say, “Hey what’s up, uh, yeah we’re gunna drop you off on an uncharted island in the middle of the ocean and you’re gunna be there alone and probably without food or shelter, but we’ll let you bring a CD with you. So what’ll it be?” I say fuck that. No way am I going to let you strand me. And as a parting gift to show your condolences, I will be granted permission to take along a CD? Uh-uh. No.

Secondly, who still listens to CDs? It’s called an iPod. On which one can store hundreds of free and illegally downloaded music albums. So will the island stranders allow me to take my iPod? Or is that against the rules of banishing?

Here’s another problem. If I bring a CD, fine. What would I play it on? Will my island come with a CD player? Or must I build one myself from sand and palm leaves? I mean, clearly they didn’t think this one through. And the island would also need to be equipped with electricity or a lifetime supply of batteries, because how would I charge my music player? Also, would I get headphones or speakers? These are all important factors to consider, because a CD on its own is just a stupid shiny disk of uselessness.

Oh and one more thing: EVERYTHING GETS OLD IF YOU LISTEN TO IT ON REPEAT FOR THE REST OF YOUR GODDAMN LIFE ON A DESERT ISLAND IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE! I can’t even listen to that Bruno Mars song anymore without throwing up, because the radio overplayed it. And I thought it was a good song.

So here’s what I’ve decided. I’d tell the stranders to go fuck themselves and their music album. I’d take nothing, because otherwise I’d feel like I was cheating. Once on the island, my first priority would of course be to form spears and other tools with which I could hunt food.

After that’s sorted, I’d need to build a shelter (which over the years would be come pimped out and awesome, by the way) so I’d have a comfortable crib to come home to after a long day of tanning and fishing. Food and shelter are my first two priorities. After that, I’d go apeshit.

I’d go into the jungle part of the island and collect all kinds of vine ropes and build myself a kickass swing.

I’d fashion a surfboard out of… I dunno, something, and if the waves permit, I’d teach myself.

I’d gather stones and logs and such and instead of building a HELP ME sign, visible to satellites and airplanes, it’d read PARTY HERE! Because come on, think about it. If you were a pilot, would you rather land to help a complete stranger, or land to go party with said stranger? Yes, the latter. Hence the party sign. But there’s no party. I would eat the pilot, read the airplane manual for a few days, and then teach myself to fly it. But not as a means of escape, just as a means of transport to the real world so I can come and go as I please.

I would definitely make myself a coconut bikini top, because I’ve always wanted one.

And last but not least, I would build an instrument similar to a banjo or a guitar or whatever and teach myself to play my own shit. Maybe I’d also hollow out a small stick and create a flute-type instrument, teach myself how to play, and then find a monkey and train him to be my accompaniment.

Different kinds of laughs

January 21, 2011

Inspired by a recent blog topic from Daily Post, I’ve decided to compile a list of the most common types of laughs. Which one are you?

The dolphin. This laugh should be trademarked by my sister. Characteristics of the dolphin laugh include high-pitched, high-frequency squealing, typically induced by tickling. Its sound is similar to a monkey-horse.

The pedophile/killer. Usually reserved for creepy guys, this laugh is more like a strange grunting noise. Also, there is little to no facial expression of happiness.

The sniffer. For this laugh to be uttered, the laugher’s mouth needn’t be open. Laugh-like sounds emerge from the nose, generating an illusion of sniffing. Very Sheldon Cooper-esque.

The frighteningly loud outburst. When something only slightly funny is said or happens, this type of laugh is so shockingly loud and unexpected that you are actually scared for the first few seconds.

The evil scientist. Need I say more?

The sarcastic ha. 97% of the time, this laugh is spoken with a serious and/or angry face. Typically it is a string of two to three ha’s put together to indicate sarcasm, or by socially awkward people who have not learned humour or emotion.

The creepy baby/clown. Babies and demonic clowns share the same laugh pattern of tee-hee’s, with stern, glaring eyes. Adam does this one to scare me sometimes, and I cry.

The silent open-mouth. Sometimes, people forget to breathe, which yields a facial expression that looks like a muted laugh. Shaking shoulders are often associated with this style.

 

Weather Forecast

January 18, 2011

If you live in Dubai, or in the surrounding region, there’s no need for you to ever watch the weather channel (in fact, I don’t even think one exists). Instead, bookmark this post for an accurate yearly forecast:

January

February

March

April

May

June

July

August

September

October

November

December

Side note: If you start at the top and scroll down really fast, you can see the change in skin tone over the year. Bonus: The sun almost explodes before magically returning to semi-normal.

T-shit [sic] design

January 16, 2011

I was just casually strolling through uni today when suddenly I was hit with a stroke of sheer genius! This awesome design for a t-shirt just popped into my head!

Get it? You get to be me! Sorta.

But then once I drew it out and thought about it, I realised it might be a shitty idea. Nevertheless, I thought I’d share it with you.

I think I’ve had too much coffee today.

UPDATE: Ten said she didn’t really get it at first, so let me make it a little more obvious:

 

Quick cat stats

January 15, 2011

For those of you who are wondering about my cats, I made a quick guide for you, which you can click to enlarge. Their full names are written, but we call them Feb, Tommy, Bart, Leo, and Skillz, respectively. All of them are good cats except Feb. She truly is a demon, sent upon this Earth to destroy the human race. Don’t ever make eye contact with her.

One post per week?!

January 15, 2011

Hello little minions. Yes, I have returned from my slumber, bearing news of grave importance. Remember back in the day when I attempted to do that bullshit Plinky stuff? You don’t? Yeah, me neither. But now, WordPress has decided to be cool and make their own spinoff of Plinky, to help lazy people like me to post more regularly. And I’ve signed up to do it once a week. At least.

Okay, that was it. That was the important news. You can all scurry along now.

No, wait!

I wanted to tell you some things:

1.) I still haven’t opened my Etsy shop, and I probs won’t, but I might.

2.) Fuck that graphic tee thing, I miss my purple-striped dress. So I’m bringing it back!

3.) We have a new kitten called Antoine “Skillz” Jerome. Yes, he’s black.

4.) I would very much like a few thousand dollars in my pocket right now, so make it happen.

5.) That is all, but I wanted to get up to five.


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