Posts Tagged ‘Tommy’

Quick cat stats

January 15, 2011

For those of you who are wondering about my cats, I made a quick guide for you, which you can click to enlarge. Their full names are written, but we call them Feb, Tommy, Bart, Leo, and Skillz, respectively. All of them are good cats except Feb. She truly is a demon, sent upon this Earth to destroy the human race. Don’t ever make eye contact with her.

Eat, Sleep, Love

October 27, 2010

Stage 1: Sleep. This usually takes up most of the day.

Stage 2: Awaken to the sound of something that may or may not sound like a tin of cat food opening.

 

Stage 3: Run faster than the speed of light until the source of the tin-like sound is reached. If there are obstacles in the way, ignore them. Bunch up the carpets, smash into bookshelves while skidding around the corner, trip anyone in your way by darting between their legs, it doesn’t matter. Just get to the source.

Stage 4: To ensure that the owner will feed you the maximum amount of food in one helping, show as much affection as possible.

Stage 5: Eagerly yet patiently await your delicious mound of food.

Stage 6: Eat and enjoy.

Stage 7: Commence the cleaning process. [click image for enhanced enlarged cuteness]

Stage 8: Sleep. Repeat when applicable.

The unbearable shittiness of being.

February 8, 2009

I know that there are billions of sad little people in the world who are worse off than me. However, I’m at that stage of the year my life where I actually need to physically tell myself this. Aloud. To my reflection in the mirror. Let me explain:

I’m supposed to be enrolled in four classes this semester. When I was in the States, I was only able to enroll in two classes online, so when I came back, I had to manually enroll in the other two. This involves getting a piece of paper, filling it out, and getting it signed by some VIPs of my university, then going to the cashier and paying for my tuition, and presto! I will be enrolled. So I did all that, minus the whole paying thing, meaning I’m still not technically enrolled in those two classes. Midterms are coming up, and if I don’t get enrolled in the system, my marks won’t count. So no problem, all I have to do is pay and hand in that paper. But I can’t find it anywhere! I searched my house, I searched the car, I searched my friends’ cars, I searched all my bags, I searched everywhere! And it’s nowhere to be found. And the enrollment deadline has passed, so I can’t just redo the process. Which sucks. And makes me angry. WHERE IS THAT PAPER?!

Ma left yesterday to do an overseas consultancy for like a week. Don’t worry, that’s not the shitty part (just kidding Ma, *wink!* – (party at my house, people! woo!)). What makes my life literally a living hell anytime she travels is the fact that Feb becomes even more demonic than usual. Feb is one of our two cats. Tommy is nice and friendly and does normal cat-like things like eat and nap and purr. Feb, on the other hand, hates everyone, and her sole mission in life is to ruin the lives of others. Now, when my mom’s around, it’s bearable, because she actually likes my mom (kind of). But when Ma’s gone?! Fuuuuck. Yesterday, for example, I came home at night, locked the front gate and the main door, turned off all the lights, and went upstairs to get ready for bed. Halfway up the stairs, I come face-to-face with Dr. Evil, as her eyes glare at me in the dark. “Hey baby Feb, let’s go upstairs and do sleep-sleep!” I said very sweetly. She stares at me, takes a step down (closer to me), smells me for a split second, and then hisses like a devil-tiger and smacks me in the leg with her paw. “FINE!” I yelled at her and kicked her down the stairs a bit. She immediately recoils, and dashes past me up the dark stairs of doom, causing me to trip and nearly suffer fatal head injuries, and then darts into my room. “Uh, no. You’re not staying here. Get out. Go to Ma’s room and slit your wrists or something, but don’t crouch in the corner and stare at me as I sleep.” She ignored me, ostensibly, and paraded around my room, smelling all my stuff. So I left to brush my teeth and hang out with Ten for a bit. When I was ready to go to bed, I turned off the light and got nice and comfy. I set my alarm (on my new phone that actually works, yes!) and closed my eyes to prepare for the dream-realm. Suddenly my eyes pop open. I feel something walking around at the foot of my bed. Propping myself up on my elbows, and squinting in the dark, I can make out a cat-like creature. Oh, it’s just Tommy, I thought to myself. But then I remembered that Tommy was sleeping in Eri’s room that night, so my heart started racing as I realised what was actually happening – Feb was on my bed, probably rearing up for attack-mode. I tried to hide my fear and go to sleep, but she started kneading my blanket and making weird noises. So I turned on my side, hoping that if I just ignore her, she’ll let me live. Sadly this was not the case. She creeped up towards my face, smelling me and my bedsheets the entire time. When we were finally nose-to-nose, she licked my face (aww), and then hissed loudly, slapped me in the head, and bolted out of my room (boo). I hate her so much. And this is only the beginning.

For the past two days (this is day three), I’ve been having severe chest pain. And I can’t figure out what it is or what caused it. At first I thought that it was just heartburn. So I took some Tums, but that did nothing. I tried drinking milk, and again no relief. So I was like, whatever, it’s not heartburn. On day two, it intensified. And the pain is kinda constant, but it comes in waves of severity. To the point that I clutch my chest like a heartbroken woman who just lost her son in the war. And then it kinda goes away again. But it’s really strange. It feels as if I swallowed a tennis ball and it’s now stuck in my esophagus. Breathing hurts. Swallowing hurts. And I don’t know what to do about it. It’s a lot better today than yesterday, so hopefully I can just do what I usually do when I get weird symptoms, which is pretend that I never had them and hope they never return. We’ll see.

Eri had to drive me to school today. This is sort of a two-in-one problem. The first part of the problem is that I have a license and I can drive myself. However, insurance-wise, I’m not covered on my mom’s car until I get an Omani license. And getting an Omani license isn’t a simple snap of the fingers, because I’d need to start from scratch and do all the training and take a bajillion tests, none of which I have time for. Mind you, I’ve been driving illegally for like seven years, and never had an accident. But the ROP doesn’t seem to care. I have to do it like everyone else, unless I can find some serious wasta. Anyway, the second part of the problem of me not being allowed to drive my mom’s car is obviously the fact that Eri has to drive. Eri is Ma’s seventy-something-year-old mother, who has absolutely no sense of direction. And she freaks out quite easily. So we had to leave the house at 06:50, and take the easiest route possible, although it’s also the longest, and hang on for dear life anytime we approach a roundabout. Furthermore, there is little to no talking allowed once the vehicle is in motion, to enable Eri to concentrate to her fullest potential. Music is a definite no. So those forty-five minutes to Ten’s school are pretty hellish. To make matters worse, she doesn’t know how to get from Ten’s school to mine, so I had to show her the way. Twice. Which means, we left Ten’s school, drove to mine, made a U-turn, drove back to Ten’s school, made another U-Turn, and drove back to mine. And I had to draw her a map. Eri said she’d call me if she has any problems finding her way back (which is a simple five-minute route), and she hasn’t yet called me. So hopefully she’s on her way home and not actually in Jordan with no phone signal or something.

I just realised that I’ve been complaining for the past thousand words or so, and although I could continue for another five thousand, I’d rather not. I’ll just list a few more points:

  • Normal doses of caffeine no longer have an effect on me, so I’ve become a coffeeholic, even though I can’t really afford to be one.
  • I have four hours of accounting today and want to shoot myself in the face.
  • I don’t have time to go to the beach as often as I want to.
  • My favourite shirt seems to have gone missing.
  • I cooked a chicken soup for Omar yesterday because he’s sick, but now my hands smell like garlic, regardless of how much I wash them.
  • Ma took my Ten’s gold eyeliner with her, and I look ugly without it.
  • I despise malls with a creepishly strong passion, yet I must go to one today with Eri, of all people, to help her get a new phone because she feels the need to copy everything I do.
  • Did I mention I have four hours of accounting today?!
  • I have a craving for something, but I can’t figure out what it is, and it’s very nerve wracking. 
  • The same song has been stuck in my head for the past five days and it’s starting to nauseate me.

And that’s not all, but that’s all I feel like typing for now. So I think the time has come to order another coffee and go to the bathroom and talk to the registrar about my enrollment situation before class, which is in less than an hour. But I thought I’d give you a tiny little taste of the unbearable shittiness of my being so you can sympathise with me. Pity me! Just kidding, don’t. Or do. Your call. Either way, I’m still going to be in a grumpy mood the whole day.

Haha, a bird just flew into the window of Fiesta. I guess it’ll be a good day after all. 

: )

I think I might be psychic-ish.

January 29, 2009

This isn’t the first time that I’ve dreamt something and it has come true, but this one is unusually accurate and creepy.

I just woke up. It was like six-something in the morning. Meaning I was late. And I wouldn’t have time to shower, because Ten gets angry at the fact that she is perpetually late to school. So I got up, got dressed, went downstairs, made some scrambled eggs for Ma and Ten, packed my backpack, brushed my teeth and tried to do something with my hair, and then started putting on my shoes. 

Suddenly, I get this feeling that something’s not right – I haven’t heard Tommy’s obnoxious meowing at all this morning. And now that I think about it, he didn’t sleep with me either, which is strange and unusual. So I continue putting on my shoes and open the front door to go outside, thinking he’s maybe peeing or something.

When I open the door, I freak out. Our house is no longer our normal house from the outside. Rather, it’s on giant stilts that must be about a kilometer tall, because all I can see are clouds. But like, big, cute, fluffy clouds. So although my initial reaction was SHIT, TOMMY MUST’VE GONE OUTSIDE AND FALLEN TO HIS UNTIMELY DEATH!, my second reaction was “Hm. I’ve always wondered if I could bounce on fluffy clouds…”

So I tentatively dipped my foot in the closest cloud, thinking it would just sink in, as if through normal air. But I was wrong! I was now touching what felt like a giant marshmallow with my foot! So I prodded it for a bit, wondering if it could support my weight and then I got too impatient and just jumped for it. If worse came to worst, I’d just join Tommy in Hell.

But thankfully, the marshmallow cloud did support my weight, and it was even kinda springy. Which made me happy, so I started bouncing around. Then I actually became courageous enough to jump from cloud to cloud and explore the sky. Fun times, I tell you.

After about half an hour of my solo exploring expedition, I met Tommy. He was just chillin’ on a big comfy cloud, snoozing in a ray of sunlight. “Oh hey dude, what’s up? Funky clouds, hey?” he said to me. “Woah, you can talk?!” I asked, “Since when?” “Uh, since forever, retard,” was the response, so I just kinda stood there in an awkward stupor. But the good kind of awkward stupor. Like the kind of awkward stupor that you’d get after half an hour of dancing around on clouds and you just found out your cat talks and he’s sarcastic and mean and you love him even more.

So Tommy finally breaks the silence by asking me if I wanted to play a game. Of course I said yes, so he pushed this button and all of a sudden, the Super Mario Land theme music comes on. And I look down and find myself all pixelated and stuff. And now, there’s boxes above me and little mushroom freaks zig-zagging around. 

sml1-1

“You do know how to play, right? Because this is real. ‘Game Over’ literally means you die.” 

Of course I knew how to play. I’ve conquered this game multiple times in my life! I was just getting used to the fact that I’m now in like, first-person-shooter mode, and not looking at a tiny 2D screen. But then I noticed my time was running out in the corner, so I ran off. 

Ga-ding! Ga-ding! I was getting all my boxes. Ga-ding! Ooh, secret tunnel! Gadididididididididdddddding… ddddiiiiing. Drrrring! Yes, an extra life, woohoo! I was jumping around, getting all my boxes, killing all the mushrooms, I got my biggifier (or whatever the fuck they’re called), finished the level, got a bajillion points, and kept on going.

At the level where there’s like, evil totem poles bouncing around and trying to kill you, I got stuck. Because you know that part with the spikes on the floor, and there’s rolling boulders that you have to jump on to get transported? Yeah, I kept landing on the spikes. Painful, I tell you. My extra lives went from like, twenty-three to twelve. And I began stressing. But eventually I made it out alive.

Finally I was on the last last last last level. The one where you’re in a little plane, zooming through the clouds, and it’s like, way difficult because these evil birds and airplanes keep trying to attack you and shit. I was tired, sweating, slightly nauseated (from shrinking and expanding so much), and I really just wanted to go back home because by now, Ten’s going to definitely kill me for making her so late for school. But try as I might, I could not pass this one stage. I just couldn’t. I kept dying!

sml1-2

I was so distressed when my health heart-count reached single-digits. I must make it! I thought to myself. Alas. I was on my last heart when I got trapped behind a stationary box that I couldn’t shoot because I wasn’t big, and the screen continued moving and I was forced off. I heard the chime of the Game Over music and desperately looked for an eject button in my little airplane, or a parachute or something, but there was nothing. I just started falling through the sky, dying slowly. My life game flashed before my eyes. My heart was heavy with guilt and shame, because I had forsaken my princess, and she would forever be locked up in the castle. A single tear rolled down my cheek as I realised Ten would get detention for missing homeroom. “Mad World” by Gary Jules started playing in the background. It was a sad, sad time.

And then I woke up. “Ona, why aren’t you awake? Do you know it’s already six-something in the morning?!” my mom was asking me. 

“Huh? What? Oh. Okay yeah, I’m up, I’m up. Make me coffee. I’ll be down in a second.” So I got up, got dressed (Ten said I wouldn’t have time to shower), went downstairs, made some scrambled eggs for Ma and Ten, packed my backpack, brushed my teeth and tried to do something with my hair, and then started putting on my shoes. What a weird deja-vu, I thought. But I kinda ignored it because I was still half-asleep.

“Have you seen Tommy?” my mom asked. And then it clicked. Like, the reason as to why I was having this feeling of deja-vu. Because it already happened! So I was like, “No… I haven’t… seen… him…” And slowly walked to the door, thinking maybe I had somehow earned an extra chance at life and would be able to play my game again. 

When I opened the door, however, I could see ground. Barely. Because it was foggy as hell. And when I say foggy as hell, I mean I couldn’t see beyond two meters. Dare I say it was… cloudy? :-O Creeeeepy. But Tommy wasn’t there. So I went to look for him and he was upstairs sleeping, and I woke him up to see if he could talk, but he couldn’t. He just gave me one of his “Why the fuck did you wake me?” looks and rolled over and went back to sleep. 

“ONAAAA, HURRY UP! I’M GOING TO BE LATE BECAUSE OF YOU! STOP TALKING TO THE FUCKING CAT AND LET’S GO!” Ten screamed from downstairs. So I leave my mom’s room and as I’m turning off the light, I trip over something hard and plasticy and painful. I hop around on one foot, reaching for the light switch again, to see what object had obstructed my path in such an uncalled for manner. 

I turn on the light, and there on the floor in front of me, lay my old, purple, Gameboy Colour, with a Super Mario Land 1 cartridge inserted in the back.

Lepremidget? Or midgechaun…

January 29, 2009

Midgechaun 1Midgechaun 2

Oh how I love Ramboface.


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