Archive for January, 2009

I think I might be psychic-ish.

January 29, 2009

This isn’t the first time that I’ve dreamt something and it has come true, but this one is unusually accurate and creepy.

I just woke up. It was like six-something in the morning. Meaning I was late. And I wouldn’t have time to shower, because Ten gets angry at the fact that she is perpetually late to school. So I got up, got dressed, went downstairs, made some scrambled eggs for Ma and Ten, packed my backpack, brushed my teeth and tried to do something with my hair, and then started putting on my shoes. 

Suddenly, I get this feeling that something’s not right – I haven’t heard Tommy’s obnoxious meowing at all this morning. And now that I think about it, he didn’t sleep with me either, which is strange and unusual. So I continue putting on my shoes and open the front door to go outside, thinking he’s maybe peeing or something.

When I open the door, I freak out. Our house is no longer our normal house from the outside. Rather, it’s on giant stilts that must be about a kilometer tall, because all I can see are clouds. But like, big, cute, fluffy clouds. So although my initial reaction was SHIT, TOMMY MUST’VE GONE OUTSIDE AND FALLEN TO HIS UNTIMELY DEATH!, my second reaction was “Hm. I’ve always wondered if I could bounce on fluffy clouds…”

So I tentatively dipped my foot in the closest cloud, thinking it would just sink in, as if through normal air. But I was wrong! I was now touching what felt like a giant marshmallow with my foot! So I prodded it for a bit, wondering if it could support my weight and then I got too impatient and just jumped for it. If worse came to worst, I’d just join Tommy in Hell.

But thankfully, the marshmallow cloud did support my weight, and it was even kinda springy. Which made me happy, so I started bouncing around. Then I actually became courageous enough to jump from cloud to cloud and explore the sky. Fun times, I tell you.

After about half an hour of my solo exploring expedition, I met Tommy. He was just chillin’ on a big comfy cloud, snoozing in a ray of sunlight. “Oh hey dude, what’s up? Funky clouds, hey?” he said to me. “Woah, you can talk?!” I asked, “Since when?” “Uh, since forever, retard,” was the response, so I just kinda stood there in an awkward stupor. But the good kind of awkward stupor. Like the kind of awkward stupor that you’d get after half an hour of dancing around on clouds and you just found out your cat talks and he’s sarcastic and mean and you love him even more.

So Tommy finally breaks the silence by asking me if I wanted to play a game. Of course I said yes, so he pushed this button and all of a sudden, the Super Mario Land theme music comes on. And I look down and find myself all pixelated and stuff. And now, there’s boxes above me and little mushroom freaks zig-zagging around. 

sml1-1

“You do know how to play, right? Because this is real. ‘Game Over’ literally means you die.” 

Of course I knew how to play. I’ve conquered this game multiple times in my life! I was just getting used to the fact that I’m now in like, first-person-shooter mode, and not looking at a tiny 2D screen. But then I noticed my time was running out in the corner, so I ran off. 

Ga-ding! Ga-ding! I was getting all my boxes. Ga-ding! Ooh, secret tunnel! Gadididididididididdddddding… ddddiiiiing. Drrrring! Yes, an extra life, woohoo! I was jumping around, getting all my boxes, killing all the mushrooms, I got my biggifier (or whatever the fuck they’re called), finished the level, got a bajillion points, and kept on going.

At the level where there’s like, evil totem poles bouncing around and trying to kill you, I got stuck. Because you know that part with the spikes on the floor, and there’s rolling boulders that you have to jump on to get transported? Yeah, I kept landing on the spikes. Painful, I tell you. My extra lives went from like, twenty-three to twelve. And I began stressing. But eventually I made it out alive.

Finally I was on the last last last last level. The one where you’re in a little plane, zooming through the clouds, and it’s like, way difficult because these evil birds and airplanes keep trying to attack you and shit. I was tired, sweating, slightly nauseated (from shrinking and expanding so much), and I really just wanted to go back home because by now, Ten’s going to definitely kill me for making her so late for school. But try as I might, I could not pass this one stage. I just couldn’t. I kept dying!

sml1-2

I was so distressed when my health heart-count reached single-digits. I must make it! I thought to myself. Alas. I was on my last heart when I got trapped behind a stationary box that I couldn’t shoot because I wasn’t big, and the screen continued moving and I was forced off. I heard the chime of the Game Over music and desperately looked for an eject button in my little airplane, or a parachute or something, but there was nothing. I just started falling through the sky, dying slowly. My life game flashed before my eyes. My heart was heavy with guilt and shame, because I had forsaken my princess, and she would forever be locked up in the castle. A single tear rolled down my cheek as I realised Ten would get detention for missing homeroom. “Mad World” by Gary Jules started playing in the background. It was a sad, sad time.

And then I woke up. “Ona, why aren’t you awake? Do you know it’s already six-something in the morning?!” my mom was asking me. 

“Huh? What? Oh. Okay yeah, I’m up, I’m up. Make me coffee. I’ll be down in a second.” So I got up, got dressed (Ten said I wouldn’t have time to shower), went downstairs, made some scrambled eggs for Ma and Ten, packed my backpack, brushed my teeth and tried to do something with my hair, and then started putting on my shoes. What a weird deja-vu, I thought. But I kinda ignored it because I was still half-asleep.

“Have you seen Tommy?” my mom asked. And then it clicked. Like, the reason as to why I was having this feeling of deja-vu. Because it already happened! So I was like, “No… I haven’t… seen… him…” And slowly walked to the door, thinking maybe I had somehow earned an extra chance at life and would be able to play my game again. 

When I opened the door, however, I could see ground. Barely. Because it was foggy as hell. And when I say foggy as hell, I mean I couldn’t see beyond two meters. Dare I say it was… cloudy? :-O Creeeeepy. But Tommy wasn’t there. So I went to look for him and he was upstairs sleeping, and I woke him up to see if he could talk, but he couldn’t. He just gave me one of his “Why the fuck did you wake me?” looks and rolled over and went back to sleep. 

“ONAAAA, HURRY UP! I’M GOING TO BE LATE BECAUSE OF YOU! STOP TALKING TO THE FUCKING CAT AND LET’S GO!” Ten screamed from downstairs. So I leave my mom’s room and as I’m turning off the light, I trip over something hard and plasticy and painful. I hop around on one foot, reaching for the light switch again, to see what object had obstructed my path in such an uncalled for manner. 

I turn on the light, and there on the floor in front of me, lay my old, purple, Gameboy Colour, with a Super Mario Land 1 cartridge inserted in the back.

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Lepremidget? Or midgechaun…

January 29, 2009

Midgechaun 1Midgechaun 2

Oh how I love Ramboface.

Catching up. Quickly.

January 25, 2009

Okay so this is going to be super quick (hopefully), because I have a lot of shit to do. Being back at uni is lame like that.

The flight I was supposed to be on (to Amsterdam) ended up being delayed. For four hours. Not one, not two, four effing hours. So we were like okay sweet, whatever. I mean, waiting four hours isn’t really the end of the world. Especially since we’d have our connecting flight rebooked and everything. Right? 

Wrong. The check-in lady was like, “Yeah about that… It seems we forgot to rebook your connecting flight, so you’re going to be stranded in Schiphol for like, a day, or however long it takes for the next flight to go out.” Ma and I were thinking that wouldn’t be too bad, hey? But then Jenny Raincloud reminded us that our baggage [(4 suitcases x 50 lbs each) + 1 rolly carry-on + 3 big handbag-type-things + dodgy as hell Schiphol = disaster] was also not checked through. So we decided to kill her.

Just kidding. That would’ve gotten us in trouble. Instead, she suggested we hop on the Emirates Air flight that would leave in a couple hours, and fly non-stop to Dubai. So I guess the plus was that we could fall asleep and wake up in Dubai and arrive earlier than expected, but the minus was obviously the lack of Amsterdam in the middle of our trip. *sigh*

Today was my first day back at uni. Nothing’s changed except for Mohammed’s hair. It’s shorter. I haven’t seen Jessica or Mushood yet though, so we’ll see what happens with them tomorrow. 

I was totally just going to say something mildly cool, but I can’t remember what it was… I hate it when that happens. Oh! Yeah now I remember: I got another tattoo today. : D 

Yeah and that’s basically your super quick update as to what has happened kind of. But now I have to go figure out my timetable and what books I need to buy and stuff. So yeah. Bye!

From the top

January 22, 2009

from the top - 1

from the top - 2from the top - 3

Uhm, yeah. Ten, you definitely need sleep. And I definitely need a brain transplant.

On the road (and water) again…

January 21, 2009

So I’m going to Connecticut again tomorrow. Joy. That means a forty-five minute ride with the mom and grandma to the ferry, an hour-and-a-half-long ferry ride, and another like, hour of driving again on the other side. So that’s… like four hours (yay for math!) of traveling with a couple of old people. Shoot. Me. Now.

By the way, what’s up with peanut butter having salmonella these days? Totally uncool.

I watched the season premier of Lie To Me this evening, and I really enjoyed it. I’m still gunna give it a few more episodes before I decide whether I should become pathologically obsessed with it or not.

I’ve also decided to start posting some funny snippets of my MSN conversations. Because… they’re funny. Ostensibly. 

Elise asked me to design a tattoo for her today. Instead I got side tracked and got kinda carried away working on a completely unrelated piece that I call “A Dull Idea” (as opposed to a bright idea, haha, get it? Ha.. ha. Or not.), depicted below:

a dull idea

I can’t believe how the United States of America has a new president, and all people seem to talk about are Michelle’s fashion and Barack’s little vow-mixup. Actually, I can.

Our plane leaves Friday night, but I still don’t know when we actually arrive. But what I do know is that when we land in Schiphol, we have like, a half-day layover. You know what that means… some intense shopping for recreational drugs Dutch licorice! Woo, party!

Oh, the other day, I was standing in line at a bookstore, and at the counter I saw this bucket full of cute little buttons (or pins, or flair, or whatever they’re called) with authors’ names on them. I was looking for an Augusten Burroughs button, but to no avail. The closest match was David Sedaris. So naturally, I bought it. And then I was struck with an overwhelming passion to begin collecting buttons. I even bought a cute bag to use as my canvas. But I don’t wanna be one of those collectors who like, buys things in bulk and pretends they were actually collected. Because that’s lame. I want each button to have some sort of story, no matter how small. So it could be, “Oh, Ma found that button buried in the sand at the beach and then brought it to a professional button-polisher, who told her that it was extremely valuable and rare, and restored it back to its original luster and then she gave it to me in a champagne glass on my wedding night,”  or simply, “Ten gave it to me.” Basically, I’m trying to hint at you people to get me flair.

Oh my gosh, and I listened to that America song by Will.I.Am that’s got like, Seal and Faith Hill and Bono in it? Yeah, not so much a fan. I actually bled from the ears a little bit. I totally prefer the Donque Song.

Bento-cat

January 20, 2009

My mom, sister, and I were at a theme park. It was HUGE and totally awesome, a combination of Six Flags, Disney World, and Aquaventure. Ten and I went on one of the roller coaster rides, and it lasted like eight minutes and somehow ended in one of those river-things that has a slight current, so you don’t really have to swim, you can just kinda float there, and it carries you around. Meanwhile, we had no idea where Ma was.

So we’re just floating around, when we find a little tributary with a sign that says “Extreme Zone –>” so we obviously swam in that direction. We could tell immediately that we were heading towards an extreme zone, because the once calm river transformed into quite a rapid one.

All of a sudden, from the left river bank, this crazy woman leaps out of the bushes and into the rapid river, landing right in front of us. Ten and I just kinda look at each other, and when the crazy woman resurfaces, we both roll our eyes. “Typical,” says Ten. The crazy lady was Ma.

“Hey, I got you guys something!” my mom said to us. Mind you, we’re still careening along a rapid river. So I’m like, “Okaaay, what? What’d you get us that’s so important, it couldn’t wait till we’re on dry land again?” And my mom holds out this bento box, which is divided into six sections, each section containing not a delicious Japanese delicacy, rather, live baby cats. But not kittens. They looked more like fetuses. And they were each tiny, like the size of a Bic lighter. And they didn’t have hair yet either, they were kinda slimy and gross. 

“Uhm, thanks?” Ten and I weren’t sure of what else to say. We were kinda speechless, actually. After a few awkward moments (my mom was just floating there, smiling widely, arms extended, box full-o-fetuses in hand), we finally reached a dock-type thing, where we had to get out of the water and go stand in line. Similar to the line that takes you to Jumeirah Sceirah, for those of you who have been to Wild Wadi.

Anyway, so we’re standing in line, completely oblivious to what we’re getting in to, when these skate-boarder slash surfer dudes approach my mom. “Aww, those cat fetuses are wicked cute! You’re so rad! Where’d you get ’em?” And my mom, thinking she’s so cool (and visibly blushing) starts talking to the punks.

Meanwhile, Ten and I are becoming increasingly worried because as we advance in the waiting line, the screams of terror from people in front of us get louder and louder. Soon, we’re at the front of the line, and we see the death trap before us: it’s a huge obstacle course, in the ocean, with spiky traps all over the place. And since people have fallen and died just recently, there’s blood in the water attracting angry-looking sharks.

The first part of the course involved a tight-rope that stretched for about ten meters, leading to a trampoline. Then there was a stretch of open ocean (with killer jelly-fish lurking beneath the surface), with two rings of fire in between the trampoline and the next platform. Beyond that, we couldn’t see. Ten and I were freaking out, but my mom was too involved in a conversation about extreme sports with the punks to notice the lingering cloud of doom.

I was up first. I managed to make it across the tight-rope and ten waited on the trampoline for Ten. When I saw that she was like a meter away, I jumped on the trampoline, through the rings of fire, to the platform on the other side. There I waited for both Ten and Ma, who managed to get across safely.

The next leg of the obstacle course was tougher, however, because it involved a rope ladder that led to a big bouncy castle, balancing on nothing but a skinny pole, which was floating on the water. So it was really unstable and it looked as though this is where most people died, because there were a lot of greedy sharks surrounding the bouncy castle. I went first. Once atop the castle, there was a notice board that said I must wait a full minute before jumping down onto another platform that would lead me into the next level. So I tried to signal to Ten to wait, because she’d make both of us fall into the water if she didn’t. But she mistook my frantic waving for a sign for help, so she and my mom quickly scampered up the rope ladder. 

Once they were on the bouncy castle, it actually became easier to balance, because we formed a triangle that stabilised the entire structure. “Whew, this is pretty extreme!” my mom exclaimed. Then, to my horror, she reached down to set the bento box on the floor of the castle. This threw off the perfect balance of our triangle, and caused the bouncy castle to start bouncing, and bento box flipped in the air, spilling all six cat-fetuses into the air (in slow motion). 

“Nooooooo…” Ten screamed in a deep, slow-motion voice as she bounced over to save the cats. She managed to grab two of them and throw them back in the box, but the other four bounced off the castle, heading for the water. I pushed my mom, with the bento box now containing only two fetuses, off the castle and to the safety of the stable, wooden platform below. Then I pushed Ten off, with one of the fetuses in her protective clutches, to go stay with my mom. And then I went over the edge, to try and save the remaining cats.

I landed in the water and looked around for the cats, but it was kinda difficult because the water was really cloudy. Three sharks started swimming towards me at full speed and I was prepared for the worst. But instead of eating me, they grabbed me and pulled me down to the bottom of the ocean, where I saw the three now dead-looking fetuses. I grabbed them, and the sharks helped me back to the surface at warp speed, where I collapsed onto the platform, gasping for air. The three fetuses looked really dead.

Ten and my mom were in hysterics, and the other three surviving baby cats in the bento box were crying over the loss of their brethren. I performed CPR on the fetuses by using my pinkies on their little chests and a straw (I don’t know where it came from) to refill their tiny lungs with air. Miraculously, all three started sputtering and coughing, and I placed them back into the box while Ma and Ten embraced each other with tears of joy. In retrospect, it was a very lame moment.

Anyway, we somehow managed to finish the extreme obstacle course and were about to get ready to go home when we noticed that the fetuses were now bigger. Like, way bigger. They were popping out of the box, actually. So we stopped and took them out of the box, and they just kept growing! Within seconds, all six fetuses were the size of normal cats. And they didn’t stop there… Before we could say Barack H. Obama, they were the size of panthers. And they didn’t stop there either. They just kept growing and growing and growing, and soon they were as large as whales. And then they stopped. So now we were surrounded by six whale-sized cats. And they looked just as shocked as we did. 

An old gypsy started cackling near us, breaking the silence. “What the hell are you laughing at, freakish old gypsy woman?” Ten asked. “The prophecy has finally come true!” the gypsy shrieked. Ten and I just looked at each other. “Uh, what prophecy?”

The gypsy explained that in Japanese mythology, there were six gods of the six elements (air, water, earth, fire, mind, and heart) who transformed themselves into fetuses, and the “chosen one” would purchase them and subconsciously scatter them into the water element. There, they would take on the Power of the Koi, in which they would grow into the size of their surroundings (hence their whale-like attributes). Then, they would disperse to six different corners of the globe and do something cool. I forgot exactly what. Bring peace to the world? Something like that.

Anyway, after she explained all that, we looked at the cats, and they just kinda sat there. One was licking his butt, another was trying to catch a bird flying near his head, and the others looked bored and cat-like and literally just sat there. “Uh, I don’t see them dispersing,” my mom said. “Yeah, they look like normal cats, just… bigger,” noted Ten. “I think they’re just hungry,” I added. The gypsy looked confused. “No! It’s not supposed to be like this! They’re supposed to gallop into the sunset and do godly things! This is not right!” And then she started getting pissed at us, as if it’s our fault that the giant cats are just being giant cats.

My mom and the gypsy started shouting at each other, and Ten and I jumped on the back of the cutest cat, and started petting it and stuff. Meanwhile, the evilest-looking cat (who had an uncanny resemblance to Feb) yawned, picked up the gypsy with his paw, and ate her. It then picked up my mom, put her on his back, and walked off. The other cats followed. 

And then I woke up, to the sound of the TV blasting inaugural stuff. Yay, Obama!

Inauguration babble in the background

January 19, 2009

snowyYup, so I’m in Long Island now. The ferry ride yesterday ended up being way calmer than I expected and I only puked seventeen times! Hooray! And when we landed (or whatever the term is for when boats reach their destination), we were welcomed with extremely warm weather. As in, above-freezing temperatures! I rejoiced in the parking lot. With my homeless friend Steve. We smoked some crack together and sang around a bonfire of the good ol’ times before the recession. *reminisces* 

The drive to my grandma’s house was kind of horrible though. Because we were on a winding country road with inadequate street lighting, constantly on the lookout for psycho deer that could pop out of the forest at any given moment, completely unannounced and unwelcome. It was also snowing, and although it was only like six something in the evening, the place was deserted. There wasn’t a single car on the road. Not even those creepy snowplow guys. Which made the whole setting really eerie. Especially since the only working radio station* was playing like, acid jazz with weird, trippy, ambient noises thrown in. Super creepy. 

I still have a headache. Not the same one from yesterday, but a new one of slightly greater magnitude. Oh, AND, I woke up this morning with my hands and forearms killing me. Because of my mad shoveling skills, yo. Holla.

I think I’m going to make some coleslaw and prep myself for House. It’s coming on later, but I also need to shower and stalk people on facebook and do something about my headache first. Peace homies!

 

*No Bassam, I do not have an iPod or even an mp3 player. I’m simply not that rich cool.


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