I need this to be my job

Okay guys, here’s the deal. I don’t want to work a real job for the time being, but I need money. You know, to live. So here’s what I’m going to do: I’m going to become blog-famous! Yes, you heard correctly. Blog-famous.

Basically, I have this evil little scheme brilliant, innocent plan in my head, whereby you help make me famous, and I, in turn, make money. That way I don’t have to mooch off my loved ones and bring everyone close to me into a downward spiral of bankruptcy.

“But Ona, how can we possibly make you famous?” you ask. It’s simple! I’ve even written a step-by-step guide for you, outlining your precise duties.

“But Ona, what do we get out of it? Why should we help you?” you ask. Because it’s not always about you, that’s why! Sometimes it’s about me. So just make me famous or stay the hell offa ma site! No, I’m kidding. Stay. I’ll give each of my subscribers a space ship.*

*Legal notice: Ona will not be handing out any spaceships to her subscribers. That was just said to trick you. But subscribe anyway.

6 Easy Steps to Making Ona Rich and Famous

1. Here’s a nifty little invention: Each post that you click on will have a facebook “like” button at the bottom of the page. If you read something that you even remotely liked, please click the button so your friends will find out about me. Or actually, let me rephrase that: If you read something that doesn’t make you projectile vomit, spontaneously combust, or in any way hinder your mouse-clicking capabilities, please “like” my posts.
2. Tell every living person you encounter on a day-to-day basis about my blog. This includes plants, grandmothers, World of Warcraft game characters, pizza delivery guys, the creepy one-eyed homeless man who lives down the street, everyone. Be sure to offer correct spelling, by either writing onamatopoeia.wordpress.com on paper, or sending them a message with the link, or violently threatening them by holding them at gunpoint until they bookmark my site, whatever. Just get it done.
3. Leave comments! This motivates other people to also leave comments, and then we can all feel like a happy community rather than me being the master and you all being my little minion slaves who have no say in anything I blog about. If you have comments or suggestions or questions or you simply wish to confess your undying love to me, by all means, do it. Except for the love-confessing thing. I don’t like stalkers. Or actually, scratch that. Having stalkers is part of being famous. 
4. If you know any pilots, offer to create a banner with my URL on it so they can advertise my blog to people who walk around staring at the sky. That’s like, three more viewers, whammy!
5. If you’re one of those people who reads my blog “regularly” (i.e. more than once in a lifetime), please subscribe to it. I read somewhere that the Internet gods like bloggers with high subscription ratings, and therefore they are more likely to give me truckloads of money if you just subscribe. I think there’s even a setting where you choose how often you want to hear from me (e.g. as soon as I post something, once a day, once a week, etc.). I promise I won’t fill up your inboxes with spam!
6. Vandalise. Go buy some spray paint, and spray my blog name or blog address on the sides of large buildings. Just make sure you don’t get caught. And put a little arrow that says “NOT done by Ona.”

That’s it for now. I can’t really think of any other ideas at the moment. But if you come up with some, don’t even bother asking me for permission, just do it.

EDIT: I’ve changed the “Like” button to a “Share” button. :)