Tattoos!

I’m a horrible blogger, I know. But you know what? It’s all your fault. I don’t know how, but it is. So yeah. I actually have nothing exciting to say today, but I figured I might as well post something before my conscious completely eats away at my soul. Also, I can’t find the pen for my drawing tablet again. So bear with me.

By now you’re probably wondering what the title of this post has to do with the boring content. Well, you’re about to find out. Like, right now: I just got my official tattoo artist license! So I’m going to post some of my designs that got the highest positive feedback, along with the price and how long it’d take, etc. Enjoy!

"Know thyself" / Price: $200 / Time: 1.5 hours / Suggestions: Stretch across your upper back to really stand out in a crowd. Make sure there's either a typo or you don't understand its meaning, for extra douche-points!

 

"Dia de los Muertos" / Price: $800 / Time: 4 - 5 hours / Suggestion: Put this bad boy on your neck, so people think you're part of the Spanish Mafia and get intimidated by you. You'll get any job you apply for!

 

"Ee-ee-ee-eee-eee!" / Price: $450 / Time: 1 hour / Suggestions: Wear this aquatic douchebag on your ankle to let everyone know you're an idiot with only half a brain. Guaranteed to make people judge you!

 

Other ideas:

If you’re Irish, how about a nice shamrock?

If your great great uncle twice-removed just passed away, why not honour him by tattooing his face from the 1970’s across your pectoral muscle?

If you like random swirls, consider a completely meaningless tribal design on your lower back!

If you’re a stereotypical biker, why not get a “I <3 Mom” tattoo on your bicep?

 

I have so many other fantastic designs in my head! I can also do custom work! Just set up an appointment and we can go over your thoughts on paper. Also, if I don’t like you, be prepared for me to overcharge you and use dirty needles! Actually, I’ll do that for everyone, so don’t think you’re special. Hooray!

Note: If you’re the police or some sort of government health official, please understand that this entire post is meant strictly for entertainment purposes. I do not have a tattoo license. I do not have a tattoo parlour. I do not intend to stick people with dirty needles (wink!). I do, however, own the above posted images, so if you’re a real tattooist, fuck off. You’ll never be as good as me.
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4 Responses to “Tattoos!”

  1. lostinamirage Says:

    Wow you really have it in for dolphins.

    Also, can you give me an invisible tattoo? :P

  2. inurbase Says:

    Can you make a design with a dolphin over a fire on a barbeque spit? I would be interested in your services if so.

    • onamatopoeia Says:

      Actually, yes. I can. But due to the graphic nature of such a design, and the fact that I’d be enjoying every stroke of it, it’s gunna cost you around $1000. We can negotiate though.

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