I’m really disappointed in you.

So, in case you haven’t noticed, I’m still not famous. No one has offered me a book deal, no one has sent copious amounts of cash into my PayPal account (send as “gift” to: olj5f@virginia.edu), and no one has implored me to market any of their shit for them. Why is this so?

From my end, I think I’m doing a pretty good job. I’m posting high-quality nonsense regularlyish, I include magnificent works of art into most posts, I help you with your vokabyularee, and I make your otherwise shitty and mundane lives full of happiness and laughter.

So really, I think this all comes down to you. You need to start taking proactive measures so that I can make money by sitting around online. I’m almost done with uni and I don’t want a real job! I don’t want to wear clothes suits! I don’t want a nine-to-five working environment! I want to make money doing stuff I like, namely, sitting around in my underwear and blogging. Maybe sell some books. Maybe do some creative advertising. Maybe open a shop on Etsy and sell cute things like used heroin needles and exotic birds. You know, fun stuff.

Now, I’ve already written a post, detailing steps you can take to help make me famous. I suggest you reread it and go out there and do it. Because once I’m famous (i.e. rich enough to buy a pack of gum whenever I want, without having to calculate my losses), I can do fun things for you, too! I’ll have contests and giveaways and prizes and all sorts of cool things. And really, who doesn’t like winning free stuff?

Exactly.

So get on it.

NOTE: For those of you concerned that my hard-earned money won’t be going to good use, that part about sending my mom to an old folks’ home was a joke. (Wwwwink!)

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8 Responses to “I’m really disappointed in you.”

  1. lostinamirage Says:

    You need to make an epic post that captures the attention of WordPress so that it gets featured on Freshly Pressed. The thing is, you already have posts like that. The Dubai weather one sticks out in my mind and it’s totally original and entertaining. So I too am confused as to why you haven’t become famous as yet.

    I think you just need to utilize the law of attraction to achieve overnight blog-fame.

  2. Mohammed Says:

    I advocate posting pics of you in your underwear and charging in advance. Just kidding!
    But tell you what; you, me, and Qadria work together on a sushi place! Qadria can be in charge of desserts :D

  3. inurbase Says:

    Can you edumacate my vokabyularee?

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