Getting older… again.

Alright guys. As you may or may not know by now, every year on the 25th of February I gain a year of wisdom, awesomeness, fame, and the inevitable – age. Yes, that’s right, my birthday is next week. And as per tradition, I shall now compile my list of desired presents. Please decide amongst yourselves who’s going to get me what, but I’d appreciate it if this time around, I get everything on my list, not just a few select items.

  1. A Play Station 3. For realsies. You don’t even have to get me the games if you’re too lazy or poor. Just get me the console so I can sit around for hours on end, killing millions of brain cells. I have too many anyway. Wink!
  2. A husband for Agatha. She’s my tortoise. And she’s lonely. Please buy her a husband. I will call him Leopold.
  3. I need someone to go through my iTunes library, clean it up (i.e. remove duplicates, edit spelling and capitalisation, etc.), and update it. I’ll give you a list. I’m just too lazy to do it myself.
  4. A job. Hire me! I enjoy sleeping, eating, watching TV, and sleeping. So if you can pay me to do any of those activities, consider me. I’ll send you my CV.
  5. A Jeep Wrangler Sport. I’ll leave the colour choice up to you, but if it’s pink, I’ll run you over. No jokes.
  6. An iPhone 4. I still never got one as my Christmas present, so I’m giving you people a second chance.
  7. I’m looking for a female my height and build who is willing to go clothes shopping for me. I’ll give you the money, you go and try shit on, and come back with a lot of new clothes. (I’m lookin’ at you, Ten.)
  8. I’m over my crystal meth lab. I now want a cocaine factory. If you set it up for me and make it happen, you get a 30% discount for life.
  9. More animals. I really want a snake, a rabbit, some ducks, and a dog.
  10. My very own Nespresso machine, which I will train to not backfire and burn the skin off my bones. Yeah, it’s a long story. You either know it or you don’t. But I want a Nespresso machine.
  11. A water bed. Queen-sized or King-sized will do.
  12. How many times do I need to ask for an electric violin? Come on people, get with the program! Chop-chop.
  13. Two free tickets to go either sky-diving or skiing.
  14. A comfortable three-seater couch for Adam’s house. Because sitting on the one he has now makes me homicidal. A futon will also do.
  15. A sushi chef who will be at my service whenever I’m in the mood for raw seafood (which is surprisingly often).
  16. A photo printer. With several extra ink cartridges. And photo paper in various sizes. I like them medium-glossy.
  17. A highly-priced gift voucher for Ace Hardware. I’m in the building mood. I’m thinking of constructing a cabin in my garden, fully equipped with AC and electricity and everything. I’m not even kidding.
  18. A manicure and pedicure. Adam always says I have monkey-feet and Peter always says I have man-hands. Neither of them should be taken seriously because they’re just being mean, but a mani/pedi wouldn’t hurt…
  19. Baking utensils. I’ve decided to become a baker of bread. Nothing sweet. No cookies or cakes or muffins, just bread. And I need my kitchen to be equipped for such an undertaking. I’m talking rolling pin, cool apron and chef hat, all those weird-shaped thingies for the dough to go in to make the bread look cool, etc.
  20. Something that makes me invisible so when we have annoying guests, I don’t have to socialise with them.
  21. My own army.
  22. A big massage chair.
  23. Cash daula. Not sure which item on this list you wanna get me? Just give me a heaping pile of cash! The more you give me, the more I’ll “like” you as a “friend.”

UPDATE: Ma bought me not one, but two tortoises! They are cute and perfect. Leopold and Eleanor. Yes.

ANOTHER UPDATE: I also received a lot of new cute clothes and gift vouchers. Not for Ace though. But I’m going to Ace now anyway, so I thought I’d cross that one off. Also, Ten’s getting me baking supplies. Finally, regardless of how many people get me #23, I will never cross it off, but I’m giving a shout out to Said, who’s obvs a “really good friend” of mine.

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16 Responses to “Getting older… again.”

  1. adamdubai Says:

    Come to think about it, I did see a wrinkle the other day.
    ps I hope you get that some of that stuff because good things happen to phenomenal people.

  2. inurbase Says:

    I’d be willing to do the iTunes thing, though since I run Linux, I don’t have iTunes

  3. Pelzina's relative Says:

    OK, here is MY deal:

    1. ANYONE who gets Nos. 9 & 13 will GET HURT REALLY BAD by me PERSONALLY. Happiness will no longer be part of your existence.

    2. I am not going to comment on ridiculous wishes like No. 8, 20, 21, etc.

    3. I would WELCOME Nos. 10, 16 & 19……pls. get her those things!!

    4. PLEASE someone, anyone…. get NO. 14. I LIKE ADAM!

    5. PLEASE GIVE ONA NO. 23.
    (Due to this advertisement, I am taking 20% No. 23)

    I am truly grateful for having such a modest and thoughtful offspring!!!!

  4. Pelzina's relative Says:

    Well, I forgot to mention…. I will take care of Nos. 2 and 18.

    Happy Birthday, Beta….. and just so that everyone knows… you have perfect hands and feet!!!

  5. lostinamirage Says:

    Age, like time, is just an illusion. At least according to Einstein. But thanks for making me feel slightly more suicidal. Society considers me old? I’m not even famous yet! *tear*

    Oh, and your pink Jeep wrangler is on it’s way to Dubai! ;) Muahahaha!

  6. Biological D. Says:

    it should read: Getting older… still.
    and be happy about it….
    email for ya

  7. Kashif Khan Says:

    I’ll get you a tortoise, if you let me know how i can tell whether its a male or a female?

    • onamatopoeia Says:

      Unfortunately my mom already volunteered to get me the tortoise, so maybe you’d like to change your gift? If not, I can accommodate one more, and in your case, the gender doesn’t matter. :)

  8. Tene Says:

    Hahahahahahahahahaha leopold is cute.

  9. Tene Says:

    Ive got number 19, if any one else touches number 19 they’re in trouble.
    Liebe du!

  10. Kashif Khan Says:

    ive got a jeep wrangler to spare.. unfortunately, its pink.

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