Successful arrival

I know you’re all expecting a long blog post in which I relive (in hi-def detail) my hellish trip to South Africa. Sadly, that’s not going to happen because the majority of the trip was actually pleasant! And as you know, I don’t do pleasant. I’m an expert complainer, but I’m sure as shit not going to sit here and tell you how amazing my flight was and whatnot. So I’ll keep the good parts brief, and elaborate a little on the shitty parts.

My ticket was a cheap, last-minute ticket, so I had to fly Qatar Air DXB-DOH, then I had twenty minutes to rush to my connecting flight DOH-JNB, and then I had about forty minutes to swap over to South African Airways and connect JNB-DUR.

The first journey was cool. Except the douchebag immigration guy made me pay 200 AED because I overstayed my stay by one day. I wanted to cry.

Nasser was randomly on my flight, so we played Who Wants to be a Millionaire (and lost miserably every time) and before we knew it, we were in Doha. I got off the flight and had to walk into a bus, which was to transport me to the terminal. I thought this would be a two minute ordeal, but I was wrong. This fucking bus (driving like 40 kmph) took its sweet ass time. I don’t know if it was taking a scenic route, or if the driver was half asleep, or what the deal was. But it took forever to get to the building. Why couldn’t the plane just have landed closer?

I run out of the bus into the terminal, and there’s a long queue for security x-ray poop. But this little man was like, “Johannesburg? Anyone? Last call for Johannesburg!” And I was like “Yeah that’s me, that’s me! Don’t fly away without me!” So I cut everyone in line, sped through the security and made it to the next plane in the nick of time.

The next flight was a long haul. I think it was like eight hours or something. And the plane was empty! I don’t even think it was half-full! So I got out of my shitty seat and sat all the way in the front, where I was able to have heaps of leg room for the sitting part of the trip, but I could also put all the armrests up and sleep. Which is exactly what I did. It was comfortable and time passed quickly because I slept pretty much the whole time.

When I arrived in Johannesburg, the shit hit the fan. I was under the impression that my luggage was checked through to Durban (because that seemed normal and that’s what the guy said when I was still in the Dubai airport). Apparently we were wrong. I get to immigration, and some big African guy is like “Hi. Give me your passport or I’ll eat your soul and vomit it out in the toilet.” So I gave it to him and avoided any eye contact. He stamped me in, and I politely asked “Can you direct me to the domestic transfer section?” He replied, “Go straight, get your bags, go out, come back in, and figure your shit out. Next!” Wait, what? I have to get my luggage, leave the airport, and then come back in? That sounded wrong. And mind you, I only had about half an hour until boarding.

So I got my luggage, but definitely decided to trust my gut and not follow the exit signs because I really didn’t wanna be stuck in Jo’burg. Instead, I found a “Transfers” sign and went in the direction of the arrow. The check-in guy (if that’s even what he was) just gave me shit the whole time, asking me questions I didn’t know the answers to, and making me very angry slash sad.

Eventually, I managed to get a boarding pass off him, and I checked in my suitcase. Now I had to find my way to gate D4, which was like, up three flights of escalators and on the opposite side of the airport. I found it in time, and boarded the flight. I was now on a shitty little plane, and because of all the cumulonimbus clouds, there was a lot of turbulence. After about 45 minutes though, we landed and I was finally in Durban!

My luggage surprisingly made it, and Adam was already waiting for me when I got out.

It was raining and cold and my hair was getting frizzy and gross, but I was just happy that I made it to my final destination alive.

And that was it. I’m here now, and it’s still cold, but it’s a good change from Dubai weather. I’m being forced to go shower now so we can go out for breakfast, so I can’t really write more, but I will later. I need to tell you about the strange animals that appear in the backyard. And if you want pictures, go check them out on facebook.

P.S. Ma, if you’re reading this, don’t forget to feed Amadeus! If I come back and he’s dead, you will suffer heavy consequences.


7 Responses to “Successful arrival”

  1. Tene Says:

    OMG That makes me so sad that you were about to cry haha I can so imagine that :( Sorry dude

  2. Pelzina's relative Says:

    Deus scares me…. I am not sure if he is eating this stupid leaves.. but he is so big – not sure if it matters.. what am I supposed to give him…???

    You better come home.. could not sleep last night because I was alone in the house.. it was so SCARY.

    • onamatopoeia Says:

      Dude. You have to put the leaves on the top shelf, and refill that little white thing with water too. He won’t eat if you put it on the middle shelf, because he doesn’t like climbing down (except to poop). Just give him different kinds of salad. He likes Boston Lettuce and that spring greens mix. And rucola leaves. Anything green and leafy, but not spinach.

      I hope the gins get you.

  3. Pelzina's relative Says:

    If I put the leaves on the top shelve and his tail hits me, I will sue you!!!

  4. Pelzina's relative Says:

    If I put the leaves on the top shelve and his tail hits me, I will take you to court!!!

  5. Aaisha Says:

    Ugh, I’m sad that you had all those annoying experiences. Here’s a proverbial punch in the face to every retard that gave you a hard time. But I’m glad your flight was empty, yay! :)

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