It’s that time of year again…

Okay everyone, we’re now a week (and a bit) into the wonderful month of February. I’m sure you all know by now that this means it is a time of joyous celebration and festivity. Not only because the end of winter is near, but also because I am approaching twenty-two fucking years of life on this godforsaken planet.

So for those interested, I have finally compiled my birthday wishlist:

  1. A pony. Preferably one with magical powers.
  2. A camera. At this point in my life, based on my poverty and lack of photo-taking technology, I’m going to be completely honest and say I’m not picky. However, something digital and simple (with high resolution nonetheless) would be in order. Underwater capabilities would be a definite plus.
  3. Two katrillion dollars.
  4. My own planet.
  5. A python and/or iguana, who shall be named Billy and Izzy, respectively.
  6. New Uggs, because my current ones are starting to look dilapidated, and people tell me I look homeless when I wear them. Any colour will suffice, although I’m not particularly a fan of the black ones.
  7. Dare I say, a Blackberry? I’m not too sure whether or not I’ll actually like it though. It just seems to be the norm nowadays, and sometimes I wish I had a Blackberry as a status symbol in today’s fucked up society.
  8. A gift voucher for Virgin, because there’s heaps of things I love in that store, ranging from T-shirts to Apple appliances.
  9. The newest (legal) version of Adobe Photoshop. I used to have a legit version on my old computer, but it was old. Like my computer. Now I have a new computer and no Photoshop. I had a trial version until recently, but then I had to restart my laptop, so my thirty day period expired and now I’m sad. This wish is in direct relation to Wish #2.
  10. The power to control time.
  11. The ability to make human suffrage legal.
  12. 2012.
  13. An African grey parrot who is already trained to speak proper English and follow simple commands. Of course, I would further train him to be my accomplice in world domination, but for the time being, a simple yet open-minded one will do. This wish surpasses Wish #5 by a large margin, but does not necessarily replace it.
  14. My very own crystal meth laboratory. I’ve been working on it for several months now, but it’s a lot more difficult than it seems. So having an up-and-running one would help me a lot, both financially and emotionally.
  15. A new wardrobe. Not physically, rather, content-wise. As in, don’t go to IKEA and buy me a new closet. Instead, get me a lot of new cute clothes, including jeans, shirts, shorts, jackets, and shoes. If you’re confused as to what clothes to buy me, see Wish #3.
  16. A little Asian dude who can be my personal slave/masseur for the rest of my life.
  17. Any form of free dental care. I have several things I wish to accomplish, including a routine checkup, cleaning, the removal of unwanted wisdom teeth, and whitening. Any/all of the above will suffice.
  18. Sushi dinner.
  19. A car. AC and brakes are a plus.
  20. More creativity/brain cells.
  21. Something to kill people with. Household weapons no longer do the trick. A bazooka or two would be nice.
  22. Higher metabolism.

Alright, well that pretty much sums things up! I posted my address somewhere once before, but I’ll have to find it again for those of you who don’t stalk me and haven’t memorised it already. Let me know if you’d like me to tell it to you again.

Other than that, have a good February, and enjoy the shittiest holiday of the year (Valentine’s Day). I’ll be working like the Jumeirah slave that I am.

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5 Responses to “It’s that time of year again…”

  1. Mohammed Says:

    You can have my metabolism. I think mine’s enough to run a whole village :p

  2. biological D. Says:

    planet Ona
    email für dich

  3. onamatopoeia Says:

    Haha, I just read it. I’ll reply tomorrow while I’m at uni. :)

  4. Rosanne Zona Libre Says:

    I hope you would not have reservations if I placed a part of this on my univeristy blog?

  5. 12 Things I want for Christmas « From the wonderful brain of Ona Says:

    […] from my 21st and 22nd birthday wish lists that I still haven’t received. Damn you, postal […]

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