A few signs that Someone up there doesn’t like me very much.

Okay so I know my life isn’t like, horrible. I mean, I’m not crippled, I don’t have any debilitating diseases (yet), I’m not living in a bunker made of palm leaves in the middle of a war zone, I don’t have twelve kids to take care of, and I’m not ugly. However, despite my gratefulness for having a relatively good life, I still wanna complain once in a while. These are my stories. *cue Law & Order “dun-dun”*

I’ve recently developed a new addiction, far worse than heroin and crack combined. My drug of choice is known only as Heroes, and it is the greatest and best series ever created in the history of television. That’s a fact. If you’ve never seen an episode, I strongly suggest you don’t. Unless you have exceptionally strong willpower, in which case you definitely need to watch it, but view with caution. Because it’s sickeningly addictive. Sign number one that Someone up there doesn’t like me. Because He/She creates this shit, knowing very well that I will not only become obsessed with it, but also jealous of everyone’s super powers. I wanna be Sylar. Minus the whole brain-cutting thing. Oh yeah by the way, I’m only half way through the first season so don’t ruin anything for me! Or I will cut your brain out.

Tomorrow, I officially become a Jumeirah slave. My duties as a lifeguard will include interacting with nasty demon children, saving them if they start drowning (which I initially thought was a joke, but apparently senior management was serious – I’m not allowed to drown kids, even if it’s with all my best intentions to make the world a better place), becoming a victim of skin cancer as I bake to a crisp in fifty-degree weather, exercising on a daily basis which translates to cutting down on smoking, waking up at ungodly hours of the morning and being forced to wear a smile at all times, and more. Sign number two that Someone up there doesn’t like me. There are some benefits as well though! For example, I get paid. But because I need to buy a car and a new tattoo, I have to save my paycheck and can’t really spend it. Sign number three that Someone really enjoys laughing at my misery.

As the end of July approaches, summer slowly rolls to a halt. August is right around the corner. In uni-talk, August equivocates to Hell. Because it’s enrollment period, and students sit at their laptops like hawks, and within the first thirty seconds of the classes being posted, they’re already full. Which means someone like me, who’ll be melting in the sun and will not have the luxury of Internet at my fingertips, will most likely have to manually enroll, which is a bitch. Because those people at the Registrar and the Cashier are kinda retarded and don’t really like me. Sign number… what are we on now? Four? Yeah, sign number four that Someone likes picking on me.

My beautiful baby princess Ten Ten is no longer with me. She didn’t die or anything, God forbid, but she’s about a billion and a half kilometres away from me right now. Yeah that’s right, on Venus, baby! No actually not that far; she’s in Boston. But still, that might as well be Venus. And it’s so not cool. It makes me want to fall to my knees in the middle of the road during a rainstorm, shake my fists at the heavens, and scream “WHHYYYYY?!” But since it never rains here, this is an unfeasible desire of mine. Signs five and six that Someone wants me to suffer.

Sign seven: my wisdom teeth are still being nuisances. For the past couple of years now, they have been embedded in my gums. But beneath the surface, they are angry little fuckers who wanna grow and take over my whole mouth. Unfortunately, there isn’t any space between my last set of molars and the end of my jaw for them to happily sprout out and be wise. So instead, they have decided to be conniving, mischievous bastards, and are growing at an angle, forcing themselves onto the roots of my other molars (who’re just casually sitting there, minding their own business). This chain of events is causing a gradual shift of all the teeth in my jaw. Mind you, it’s occurring at a glacial pace, and so far the shift is subtle and barely noticeable, but something must be done nonetheless. Crooked teeth are nasty. Braces are even nastier. And due to my current financial situation, I’m unable to get them removed. Although now that I think about it, I have a wrench in one of the kitchen drawers…

My hair isn’t growing as fast as I’d like it, I miss Omar and wanna go visit him, my photo printer decided to die on me today, I still haven’t found my sheet music, and I really wanna build a pool table, but I haven’t the supplies nor the skills. Signs eight through twelve that Someone isn’t too fond on me.

There’s more, you know. I could keep going for a while. But instead, I’ve decided I’d rather smoke a cigarette and then conduct research on how to make my own crystal meth lab in my bathroom, so that I have a supplementary source of income each month. If you’re the police, JUST KIDDING! If you’re a child, come to Wild Wadi and ask for the awesome lifeguard called Ona. I’ll hook you up. *wink*


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3 Responses to “A few signs that Someone up there doesn’t like me very much.”

  1. Omar Says:

    hahahahaha,,funny shit baby,,

    oh and remember how i was watching heroes at yours one day… and your like “FUCK OFF, THATS BULL SHIT, I DONT LIKE IT, I DONT WANT TO WATCH yade yade yade ya..” and you sat there and done my headinn..and now your obsessed with it?? i fucking hate you ! ! !

    but i still want you to come and STAY not VISIT .. :@:) <3

  2. onamatopoeia Says:

    Hahaha, yeah but then remember a couple months ago I told you I’d become obsessed with it too, once I got the chance? My chance has come. Aaron has the first two seasons of DVD, muahaha! OMG it’s so good. Sorry I ever doubted you.

    You know you lurrrve me! :D


  3. Mohammed Says:

    Lol I remembered you hated Heroes :p

    How’s the lifeguarding?

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