To answer your question, no I will not update you on anything, because that in itself is like an entire encyclopedia. But instead, I’ll leave you with a loving message because I watched Where The Wild Things Are yesterday.

I decided to go back to this site for shits and giggles, and I’ll post some of my predicted tweets below. There will be no drawings today, so if you’re expecting some, don’t.

“I need to find em. Lasers, no. I’m gunna do one of those two birds. DON’T LIE, THEY’RE IDENTICAL!”

“:/ I don’t like Jagger.”

“Hahahaha, salinity! Oh wait, no. But perhaps a likeable monster.”

“Oh, and boring: I need to mention boring.”

“I’ll be hotter than Satan’s ballsack EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.”

“Wait, there’s a prize?! I could survive on the flu.”

“I wonder what’s up with rainbows and waterworks, yes. D:”

“Duty Free cigarettes. Haha, precisely. It puts the double negative.”

“I don’t see the lines of snow. You’re asking for the tortoises.”

“I wonder why British sitcoms are so damn sexy.”

“I wonder why I don’t like assholes. Meh.”

“I’m going to insert all the phone numbers in my head and see Aliens do football. Intense.”

Anywho, so yesterday I took him to the vet for the very first time, to get him vaccinated, dewormed, and microchipped. At least that was the plan, anyway.

When our turn came up, we went into the examination room, and Sebastian politely sat on the table. He also had no problems sitting on the scale (2.5 kilos, what up!). He had no issue when the guy stuck a pill down his throat. He didn’t complain when he got the vaccine-filled syringe jabbed into his luscious coat. Everything was going well!

Then came the microchipping part. And let me just tell you, I’ve never actually seen the process of microchipping the other five cats before. So I kinda thought it’d go something like this:

But then what it was actually like was more like this:

And Sebastian thought it was… this:

I felt so bad for him! They couldn’t do it! The doctor and nurse even felt bad and held him and apologised profusely. But they explained that 20-some percent of cats won’t allow it, so in those cases, they just do it at another time, typically when they’re already under general anaesthesia.

Namely, ballsack removal day.

Anywho, so I uploaded the ugly new picture as a temporary filler until I find my old one, but it’s nowhere to be found! So I’m thinking that maybe the Internets took it.*

So the reason I’m telling you all of this obvious stuffs (since I’m willing to bet at least sixty percent of you have eyeballs and can see the header change) is so that you can design me a new one! Something funky and cool but still in my old style. I’m looking at you, neilslorance. But other people can email me stuff too. Because it’s summer and you have nothing better to do.

Yes thank you okay bye bye.

*Them darn Internets, always touchin’ stuff that dudn’t belong to ‘em. Where’s ma shotgun at?

On the day before Ten left, we decided to eat out. There’s this nice Italian place in Times Square, so we went there. Once we finished our meal, Said said he wanted to pass by this new adventure store on the ground floor. So we went.

By the way, side note: IT IS AWESOME. They have everything ranging from swimming gear to surf stuff to jetskis to winter wear to mountain bikes to ropes and cables to snowboards to fishing to hunting to you name it. They have everything adventure/sports/awesome related.

Anyway, so we went and looked around, and we noticed that they have a huge rock climbing wall, along with this obstacle course that runs around the ceiling of the mall. It looked so stupid and easy. From the bottom.

We decided to give it a try and oh. my. god.

I kid you not.

I pooped my pants at least eighteen times. Over the course of like twenty minutes. Because it was the scariest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life:

First, you had to climb on this loggy thing. Simple enough.

Then, you had to climb on this tight rope with demon cables making your life miserable.

THEN, YOU HAD TO DO THE SCARIEST ONE OF THEM ALL. There’s four tyres hanging there and you have to cross them, but they move and they’re far apart and you’re 15 meters up in the fucking air! I shat myself and cried a little. I also started sweating fear. It was horrible.

Eventually, I crossed it and went on to the next level which was similar, but with like, swinging planks.

Then there were swinging logs. Like, who designed this shit? Why was everything swingy and unstable? A nice set of monkey bars would have been alright, but noooo. They had to petrify me to the point of paralysis.

Next was a normal-ish balance beam (except keep the height in mind).

Then came this big wobbly wooden-plank bridge.

And last, YOU HAD TO JUST JUMP ACROSS THIS GAPING RAVINE! Jumping two meters across when on the ground is one thing, but jumping two meters across when you’re at the verge of tickling the feet of the angels in heaven? Not so much.

So that was it. Oh, to come down, you had to go down this not-so-scary but completely irritating rope thing, but it like, attacked and strangled you the whole way down.

But the rock climbing part was fun and it made my arms hurt.

UPDATE: I went again with Adam, and the time it took me to complete the course cut down considerably, but I was still scared like whoa. Adam said I was a sissy little pansy, but I know he secretly shat himself a bit.

*You’re welcome, Adventure HQ, for the free advertising.

For those of you wondering what divine and heavenly object is being portrayed above, it is the all-powerful and mighty pen for my drawing tablet! I’ve been looking for it for what, like three weeks now? And I finally found it today! Technically Ma did, but I don’t want to give her any credit, so let’s just say that I found it.

So now I can get back to blogging business! I’m fairly certain I’ve lost like 80% of my two subscribers (I failed math), but that’s okay. Because I’m just going to keep being awesome.

Uh.

Yeah.

Okay maybe I just need to ease back in slowly. Here’s one of my famous knock-knock jokes that I’ve been wanting to draw for a while:

Ohhh, it’s good to be back.

To Numb the Pain

Also, I know that this blog has been looking particularly boring lately, but I swear it’s because I still haven’t found my pen! I don’t know where it is! And this makes me extra sullen and downtrodden, because I have another hilarious knock-knock joke to share with you. And a word of the day!

Anywho, I’ll keep looking for it. In the meantime, go visit my other blog. All two of you.

P.S. Here’s a drawing of a cup of coffee. Just because.

BUT, I still wanna use that other theme. Which means? Anyone? Yes, that is correct, gentleman in the blue shirt, I will have to start another blog!

Now the real question here is, what will this other blog consist of? Because as many of you know, I tried having a photoblog, but that got old and I just sorta neglected it. So now I need help deciding what my new blog should be about. Suggestions?!

P.S. I still haven’t found the pen to my drawing tablet. Where is itttt?!

By now you’re probably wondering what the title of this post has to do with the boring content. Well, you’re about to find out. Like, right now: I just got my official tattoo artist license! So I’m going to post some of my designs that got the highest positive feedback, along with the price and how long it’d take, etc. Enjoy!

"Know thyself" / Price: $200 / Time: 1.5 hours / Suggestions: Stretch across your upper back to really stand out in a crowd. Make sure there's either a typo or you don't understand its meaning, for extra douche-points!

"Dia de los Muertos" / Price: $800 / Time: 4 - 5 hours / Suggestion: Put this bad boy on your neck, so people think you're part of the Spanish Mafia and get intimidated by you. You'll get any job you apply for!

"Ee-ee-ee-eee-eee!" / Price: $450 / Time: 1 hour / Suggestions: Wear this aquatic douchebag on your ankle to let everyone know you're an idiot with only half a brain. Guaranteed to make people judge you!

Other ideas:

If you’re Irish, how about a nice shamrock?

If your great great uncle twice-removed just passed away, why not honour him by tattooing his face from the 1970′s across your pectoral muscle?

If you like random swirls, consider a completely meaningless tribal design on your lower back!

If you’re a stereotypical biker, why not get a “I <3 Mom” tattoo on your bicep?

I have so many other fantastic designs in my head! I can also do custom work! Just set up an appointment and we can go over your thoughts on paper. Also, if I don’t like you, be prepared for me to overcharge you and use dirty needles! Actually, I’ll do that for everyone, so don’t think you’re special. Hooray!

Note: If you’re the police or some sort of government health official, please understand that this entire post is meant strictly for entertainment purposes. I do not have a tattoo license. I do not have a tattoo parlour. I do not intend to stick people with dirty needles (wink!). I do, however, own the above posted images, so if you’re a real tattooist, fuck off. You’ll never be as good as me.